MLPBox.com's Offering to The Ruinous Powers within Horse News by


It's like Loot Crate for the autistic... Oh, wait...


So our friends at Brony.com have launched just another Loot Crate clone MLPBox.com. A monthly assortment of pony related novelties for you to try to enjoy. This one time sacrifice was the April box.
 (This is just my opinion, fam)
Now, I was given the pleasure of receiving MLPBox's April edition for review and judgement. They took it upon themselves to reserve one of their first edition boxes for us. It's not every day I receive free shit for no reason, and receiving free shit and getting paid to review it has never happened to me. Neither have I had any prior communication with anyone associated with Brony.com, as the writer of this review, that was handled by the Honorable Capper General.

I can only review on the basis of whether I would pay $9.99 + $3.25 United States shipping for these items. Now, onto the items themselves, which are officially licensed by Hasbro.

First Item: Bioworld - Rainbow Dash In-Ear Headphones

Can you smell the Hot Topic already?

Now, I'm going to have to admit, Rainbow Cunt is my least favorite pony. These in-ears have two Rainbow Cunt heads. But I will look past my prejudice for a moment, and gauge this product for what it is on the inside. It's when I did look past the colors that I discovered that only a Dashfag could love this product.


These in-ears come with two extra sets of plugs of different sizes, that's it. Now, I only use on-ear headphones, but in-ears are never this uncomfortable for me. The plugs that cover the tips are paper thin, and provide no support, on top of the cylindrical design of these in-ears. When I try to make sure they're sofuckingdeep, their un-ergonomic shape bothers me.

Their audio quality is also abhorrent. The highs are too shushed to make anything enjoyable. Every song I've listened to on these sound like they're being played in the room next to mine.



Brony.com already charges over $15 for these pieces of trash. I would not buy these for the $10 price of the whole cheap Loot Crate clone MLPBox.

Second Item: "Pony Road" T-Shirt, Black


The most expensive product in this box, and there is nothing wrong with it. It's just a black T-shirt, with a fucking parody of some hippie fag band or something. It's everything it claims to be, a T-shirt that screams "I'M GAY" and is as black as the thing you're gonna be taking the night after you wear this.


It's also 100% cotton, while being darker than the people that picked this thing from the fields. Now, in the American Southwest, black, heavier shirts don't make a comfortable outing in the Spring and Summer. Also, I can see that "Made in Mexico" tag, further proof that we need The Wall. I can see Chelis' work at hand, especially with that XL size. While nothing outwardly wrong with this, it is a bad choice to pair with your April box, at least for me, so I'll have to give another strike for this.


The original price is almost twice the price of the whole box. I certainly wouldn't buy something like this anytime of the year, let alone right now.

Final Item: Rainbow Dash Anti-Bullying Pin


In what appears to be an effort to start a campaign against bullying targeted at Bronies, Brony.com has released a limited time Rainbow Dash pin. It's the only item I consider good in this box, because it's just a pin, but it's still Rainbowcunt. So that's just another strike.


Its original price is four dollars. Agreeable, but probably still overpriced.

Final Judgement  

From what I've seen, I would not subscribe to this box. I would also not recommend it to people who wouldn't already buy things from Brony.com. If you have already done so, and plan to do so again, then I would see no reason not to, but I still wouldn't do it. I am not satisfied with the quality I've found here. So, what should be done with such pitiful sacrifices to the evil god Capper? I think you all know what.

You see that? That there's salty milk.
Actually, I think I'll keep the Anti-Bullying pin, I know the perfect purpose for it.
Now hopefully some dirty Tranny Communist remembers not to bully me. ;__;

Comments (15)

  1. VERTICAL AND HORIZONTAL WORDS
    E
    R
    T
    I
    C
    A
    L

    A
    N
    D

    H
    O
    R
    I
    Z
    O
    N
    T
    A
    L

    W
    O
    R
    D
    S

    ReplyDelete
  2. This is a decent review. I bought my first subscription a few months ago because I never had anything related to loot crate at all that I was interested in, also because ponies. I can't say I'm fond of the shirt, but since I am a dashfag, I will be satisfied with the pin and earphones. I had the same ones many years ago but they fucked up, so I am glad I get another pair that I can show off at BronyCon along with the pin.

    ReplyDelete
  3. "It's also 100% cotton, while being darker than the people that picked this thing from the fields."
    Topkek

    ReplyDelete
  4. I want to bully Rainbow Dash.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. We all do. She's been hijacked for fag pride, and needs to be shoah'd.

      Delete
  5. Would getting bullied for wearing an anti bullying pin/t-shirt be irony?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I thought the pin is like being anything different than normal, it makes you immune to bullying, and makes anyone bullying you a shitlord.

      Delete
  6. Ive had Pony earbuds in the past, and its actually quite simple to switch out the innards of earbuds to something with non-potato audio quality.
    My problem is that they're always RD and Pinkie Pie. RD isn't my bae and I'm apparently too much of an edgelord to have pink anything, so it makes me sad.

    Goddammit now I have to go customize some headphones.
    Moonbutt(ear)plugs anyone?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. You'd think Vinyl would be the obvious choice.

      Delete
  7. PURPLE TRANNY!
    U
    R
    P
    L
    E

    T
    R
    A
    N
    N
    Y
    !

    ReplyDelete
  8. $10 a month for like $40 worth of stuff?
    That's not a bad deal at all actually

    ReplyDelete
  9. Could be worse... in my case there wasn't even a T-shirt. Just the headphones (which neither I nor my wife who is a huge RD fan can wear due to the form being a long hard cylindrical tube we can't fit into our ear canals) and the pin. Compared to LootCrate, which my wife and I have been enjoying for a while (I get all the digital codes for games I play, she keeps the physical loot). Seriously debating whether it's even worth trying a 2nd time... And now finding that they apparently ran out of shirts yet kept sending packages? Kinda makes one wonder how much will be missing from the next one?

    ReplyDelete
  10. Just got the June box. 1 item Fluttershy stuffed animal. Very disappointed. We signed up for 3 months. Nothing like loot crate or other boxes I've done in the past. My son is 5 years old and a huge brony but the last two boxes have been bad. Thanks for your review we missed April, and even though you didn't care for it that's the best one.

    ReplyDelete
  11. Just got the June box. 1 item Fluttershy stuffed animal. Very disappointed. We signed up for 3 months. Nothing like loot crate or other boxes I've done in the past. My son is 5 years old and a huge brony but the last two boxes have been bad. Thanks for your review we missed April, and even though you didn't care for it that's the best one.

    ReplyDelete
  12. We never received a box, and when we contacted the owner about it, they demanded that we even placed an order, when we showed them the order, they sent back shipping information for someone in another country. we are now going to look at doing a charge back. do not trust them

    ReplyDelete