State of Emergency Declared: Dinosaurs learn to ride horses by


A state of emergency has been declared, as video evidence of the greatest threat to Western civilization has surfaced online. Dinosaurs have officially harnessed the power of horses. Top government officials have been moved to underground bunkers, as one politician has put it; "all the worst parts of The Bible are coming true". It is uncertain at this time, if the spokesperson was confusing "The Bible" with the Planet of the Apes franchise, and the 2015 film "Jurassic World". What IS certain, is that an organized militia of genetically created dinosaurs has taken control of a wildlife refuge for horses and is holding it hostage.


One Republican Presidential hopeful (whose artificial hair is itself a crime against genetic engineering) was quick to place the blame for the existence of the equestrian Tyrannosaurs on "those liberal sissies and their 'science' bullshit". He quickly asserted that the best strategy to contain the homegrown threat, is to build a perimeter fence around Mexico (despite the fact that the footage comes from Poplarville, Mississippi). Neighboring Southern states have refused to take in refugees fleeing the terrible lizard cavalry, as "they have their own problems to deal with at home", despite being told that the refugees are actually American.



The "Jurassic Equestrian Warrior State", or "JEWS" for short, are seen displaying their abilities (to gallop, trot, and play soccer) in a clear attempt to recruit others to their cause (which is at this time unclear). The militant group attempts to appear patriotic by waving American flags in the video as well. At one point in the video, a horse is seen mobilizing what is either a container of chemical weapons, or an empty barrel from out behind the shed, leftover from a bitchin' bonfire kegger. 

At press time, the dinosaur-occupied equestrian refuge was requesting that supporters to their cause "send snacks, preferably hay and lawyers". Government strategists are planning to air-drop packages of bottled-water to the bipedal dinosaurs - from Flint.

Comments (3)

  1. I don't get it.

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  2. PURPLE TRANNY
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  3. PLUM LADYBOY
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