George Cain and Pony Zealotry by


While we're no strangers to the dealings of George Cain, aka the Jesus Freak who would make Sunset Shimmer envious, we were bored and looked through Twitter were informed that he is at it once again, trying to push "a very important message for the world," as he says.



Woops, that was clearly the wrong video. His video is here.


Of course, George's video made its rounds on /mlp/ as well - because when you start trying to push your shit to show staff over Twitter and they respond in kind, it's definitely bound to attract some kind of attention. The reactions on /mlp/ were pretty much disgust, wonder at his delusion, and unexplained why-boners.

Anons: Their smiles and optimism - gone.

Out of all the replies of confusion, The First Wiseman of Slovakia felt so inspired by George's message of Jesus Christ's Salvation, that he felt the burning desire to send his Holy Messenger a gift of 10 Gigabytes worth of The Finest Pony Plot known to Mankind in order to secure his salvation. This would be the 1st gift of 3.

10 gigs of pure pony ass

A WINrar is you

Slovakian Wiseman sends the package.

Package Delivered right on target.

And all the confirmation we need that George received his gift.

You're going to need some Holy Soap to clean up all that filth.

Meanwhile, at the Hall of Doom, other Anons were plotting to send George his 2nd gift - porn of his OC Flameheart Kindle having consentual sex in the missionary position with the lights off, for the sole purpose of procreation.

Or, you know, having his OC R63'd getting railed by Rainbow Blitz

After about a day or so of waiting, one Based Anon finally delivered in the /r/equest Drawfag thread: Flameheart Kindle coming inside.

>tfw some Jesus Freak got to come inside Rainbow Dash and you didn't

The Second Wiseman saw his opportunity for salvation, and promptly sent George Cain his present via Twitter, and got blocked. Mission Success!

♪ On the first day of Christmas, some Anons gave to me, a bundle full of pony pussy. ♫

Confirmation that George received his 2nd gift, an annoyed Tweet that reeked of patronizing and pity.

Online Perversion

One other astute Anon noticed that George's old Twitter handle, @Flameheart_K, was no longer used by George himself, opting instead for @crownkingjesus. And thus came the 3rd gift, with "George" telling the whole world how he really feels about "the sin of homosexuality".

Boy howdy

He sure set himself free.

And going through, sure enough it was true.

Oh boy, here we go.

And thus were 3 gifts of Faith sent to the Jesus Warrior himself by the Three Wise Anons of the Kekopalypse. God only knows what George did afterward.

Comments (28)

  1. I am offended at the author calling Sunset Shimmer retarded. That's just rude, faggot.

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    Replies
    1. You mean the word "envious"? That's not a synonym for retarded, but for jealousy.

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  2. This is beautiful, thanks Horse News!

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  3. >Cleveland, Ohio
    >tfw you live in the same city as this faggot
    >tfw vomiting

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    Replies
    1. That means you have an opportunity the rest of us do not. You know what must be done.

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    2. I got 10 bits on anon, any takers?

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  4. That guy is pure cancer.

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  5. One other astute Anon noticed that George's old Twitter handle, @Flameheart_K, was no longer used by George himself, opting instead for @crownkingjesus. And thus came the 3rd gift, with "George" telling the whole world how he really feels about "the sin of homosexuality".

    How did they do that? Did they hack into the old account? If so, how?

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    Replies
    1. When you change your Twitter handle, you give up rights to the old one you had, and anyone else can use it.

      Delete
  6. Everypony's Gone to the Rapture

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  7. Yeah, this guys totally does not sound like he belongs to some cult.

    In all fairness, lunatics like this to NOT represent your average Christian. Much like any group, it is the loud and obnoxious that simply get the most attention. However, that in no way dismisses how nut jobs like this make the whole concept of religion sound like one giant delusion shared by adults that didn't quiet grow up and lost touch with reality.

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    1. Religion IS a delusion shared by adults that didn't quite grow up and lost touch with reality. Some of them are just bigger assholes about it.

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    2. Exactly! I am a strong Christian too (liberal, I might add); I came to accept Jesus because of my love for science, but I do NOT like how some "christians" (like this guy) try and force Christianity onto others. Telling them about it is fine (just like how a brony might recommend to his friend to watch MLP), but forcing it with this "you're going to go to Hell" scare tactic is stupid.

      I have to admit I have a crush on Fluttershy; and biblically, there is nothing wrong with that. (Going by the fact that ponies are not animals, but equal to humans). It says God made man in his image, but it doesn't specify whether that is a "physical" image or a "spiritual/soul" image (referring to the intelligence of humans over animals). Since ponies act like humans, I see it as no issue with people being attracted to ponies. Otherwise that would be racist against another creature (ponies) that isn't human.

      I found this post here too funny. Good job on them sending those GBs of pony clop, guys! Sending him a drawing of his OC and Rainbow Dash doing "hot" things was too funny. XD

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  8. Replies
    1. Don't you have anything to do? Go make an animation or something.

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    2. listen, pika, as your director I'm going to have to ask you to kill yourself

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  9. As the anon who sent gift #2, I want to send a shoutout the the very helpful drawfag over in the draw thread since the rest of us in that thread had no idea what the fuck we were doing when it came to drawing porn.

    Also, to George, if you are reading this (I know you are), if you want to unblock me on Twitter I won't promise not to reply to your posts with creative criticism, but I do promise not to send you any more porn.

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  10. You magnificent retards! This column is pure golden spaghetti!

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  11. This guy would do well with my brother-in-law and his father.

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  12. ah yes Christian fundamentalists the internets dumbest retards next to sjws and stormfags good thing iam a atheist scumbag who does not believe in god or gods of any kind (note I said fundamentalists not all Christians are like George Cain I have Christian friends who I get along with just fine also iam being sarcastic about the scumbag part)

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  13. Thumbs up to Peter New for basically laughing in this faggot's retarded face. I am not religious, but this guy is the kind of asshole that makes religious people (most of whom are kind and generous) look like they're crazy.

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  14. "Fundamentalist Christians"

    Sure, what people like George Cain spout off sounds crazy, but a lot of what he's saying is directly from the book of revelations in the bible. Either the bible is truth, making everyone else fools who don't know how to be Christian because they don't actually believe in their own bible, or the bible and the things George Cain cited are fiction, in which case why still identify as followers of something you don't really believe in?

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    Replies
    1. As silly as this sounds, the Book of Revelation is not canon with the rest of the Bible. There is actually a fascinating history on how it was almost left out, the same they did with other apocalyptic text, and its last minute addition.

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    2. >Either the bible is truth
      >or the bible and the things George Cain cited are fiction,

      That's some pretty rigid thinking for an enlightened atheist like yourself, anon. I am actually a Christfag, but if you ask me, believing every single thing in the Bible just because it's in the Bible is stupid, especially if you interpret it literally like Creationists or other fundies do. The Bible was written by men, not by God, and the New Testament very clearly demonstrates that not even Jesus's own disciples were always right (as seen with Judas, whose very name is now synonymous with treachery).

      And if you can't even take the prophets themselves at their word, then why would you trust Revelations, which was based on a dream that some priest had, or Genesis, which I don't think even has an author attributed to it (and which has been objectively disproven)? More to the point, why would you trust the Catholic Church to compile a book of indisputable facts about God? This is an organisation that killed people for stargazing, and we're really going to expect all Christians to adhere to what they decided was a canonical scripture? I get that groups like the Mormons and Jehova's Witnesses are probably even more off, since their founders basically made shit up, but personally, I don't think any sect of Christianity has it 100% right, if Christianity is even right at all.

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  15. So where an someone else see all this art?

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  16. The whole fucking George Cain thing took a crazy ass turn. Look at the pinned tweet.

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  17. I'm a Christian (not a fundamentalist or conservative), and I found this funny. These are what we true Christians call the "bad apples" of Christianity. Just like how bronies (and virtually every other fandom) have bad apples.

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