Anti- #LoveWins legislation prompts launch of Church of Celestia by


Following the United States Supreme Court decision that rendered Same-sex marriage legal, there has been an outpouring of support for the LGBT community and their newfound rights to wed whomever they see fit. However it comes as no surprise that some conservative governments have begun introducing legislation to prevent same-sex marriage, by requiring all marriages to be performed by ordained clergymen.

This has prompted the long-awaited launch of the First Church of Celestia, which held service for the first time yesterday.

"It was a long time coming," said Pope Jade Aurora, removing her ceremonial Alicorn horn and wings after the service. "But we all thought it was time to create a true religion dedicated to the teachings of Princess Celestia, and her messages of friendship and the power of love and tolerance."

The Church, which is being operated by legally-recognized ministers, ordained by The AMM, as well as Universal Life Church, will be legally able to perform same-sex marriages, a fact that is sure to piss off just about everyone.

The service on Sunday (the day of the Sun) was somber. It began with a prayer, started in accordance with tradition with "Dear Princess Celestia..." and ended with the priestess uttering the recessional phrase "Praise the Sun" (which the congregation replies to with "Double the fun", acknowledging the end of the day of the Sun and the beginning of the day of the Moon sister).

Services take place every weekend, and consist of study of the holy works (so far there are 102 recognized works, each lasting approximately 22 minutes) and discussion of whether or not to allow contested works into the holy canon.

"Equestria Girls is TOTALLY canon!" argues one theology scholar, referring to a bizarre trilogy of works, in which the Apostle Twilight Sparkle is trans-substantiated into human form, and fends off demons. Other contested works include a series of graphic novels by various authors, which conflict with the accepted canon. The graphic novels have been added in some canons to the book of "IDW", which stands for "Indeterminate Divine Works", referring to their contested status.

Cake and Tea are the official communion staples of the church, which is served shortly after the sermon.

Other aspects of the newly formed religion include idols of the saints characters known as "plushies", religious costumes and dress called "fursuits" and "fedoras", religious artwork and artifacts, and even numerous hymns.

Join the Church here

Comments (20)

  1. Cake jesu domine
    Dona eis requiem

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. another one bites the dust

      http://ask-good-guy.tumblr.com/post/122672565998/otherkinholocaust-memeloving-fucktard


      HA!HA!HA!HA!HA!

      Delete
    2. On the Mlp forums I was known as Minister Kel Grym and for a while married users to thier pony waifus. Its been a while since Ive been active but my interests have been peaked. As an ordained minister I want to get in on this action.

      Delete
  2. I wish this wasn't satire.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I refuse to join this church unless weekly service includes an open bar.

      Delete
    2. If you're not serving Trappist ales, count me uninterested.

      Delete
  3. I hate ponies being used in politics, one way or another.

    ReplyDelete
  4. is this legit seriously I want to know however I don't want to join to join even if it is mainly cause iam an atheist with no fucking ,orals what so ever(sarcasm alert sarcasm alert)

    ReplyDelete
  5. Liki, where is the proof it was ordained by the AMM or the ULC? Is there a list of ordained groups on their paiges?

    ReplyDelete
  6. What is the point of the Google Doc submit form if the church is entirely a joke?

    ReplyDelete
  7. Everyone is talking about gay marriage and Confederate flags, and here I am, seemingly the only person (outside of /pol/) who knows or cares that Congress just fast-tracked approval for the TPP. What a screwy society we live in - all the better to watch is burn.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. /pol/ack here.Yup,what do you expect from normies?Just a bunch of cucks.

      Delete
    2. Funny that the repubs would normally scream bloody murder if Obama wanted anything were more than happy to give away the keys to the kingdom.

      Delete
    3. Congress has approved Twitch Plays Pokemon? When will it end?

      Delete
  8. Fuck it, worshiping one invisible sky deity is just as effective as worshiping any other invisible sky deity. Plus, Celestia and Luna are a lot cuter than some weird angry old dude with a scraggly beard and a penchant for underage sex with virgin girls.

    ReplyDelete
  9. There is equal, if not greater evidence, of the existence of Celestia, as there is God.

    And Celestia is cuter

    ReplyDelete
  10. I SOOOOOO wanna try this out. Sounds interesting! xD Yeah, I saw the tag, but still!

    ReplyDelete
  11. I want so badly to post this on /v/. The combination of ponies and gays would just make the kids there flip the fuck out.

    ReplyDelete