|"Yup, its science alright." (Photo by EQD)|
Groundbreaking research has taken place on the campuses of Rutgers University in New Jersey and the University of Connecticut.
The study was presented to a group of grad students and at least one underwhelming journalism intern at the International Conference of Masculinity held in Manhattan this week.
Other than the fact that such a conference even needs to exist, what is even more amazing were the events described. Professors talked about how nerds ignoring bullies is contributing to the patriarchy, colleagues shared techniques for male bonding such as 'friendship labs' designed to make assholes less ass-holey, and researchers presented data on brony internet forums and their effect on equality.
All of these panels were curated by professionals. Graduates and doctors -people with almost as many years in academia as some of us have been alive- spoke to crowds of similar people about why masturbating to cartoon horses is oppressive to women.
The researchers in question have apparently spent time analyzing the inner workings of the brony fandom and their
"Bailey and Harvey had found that there was a community on the image-based bulletin board 4chan of men who like My Little Pony. Within this community, having sex with a real person, in real life, is seen as a negative – and not “clopping” is a form of heresy. What was happening here was an example of “normal” hegemonic masculinity in action, Bailey and Harvey said."
Years of hard work studying gender and social issues and hundreds of thousands of dollars in student debt has led up to the graduate students penultimate dissertation - a study on why teenagers masturbating to horse porn is oppressing women everywhere. Prime examples of their hard work are seen in"screen grabs" of posts on boards only presumed to be ponychan and /mlp/, quotes such as "Go be a faggot somewhere else," and the theory of “hegemonic masculinity.”
It is not entirely certain whether or not the researchers simply forgot to finish their homework and drafted up a paper last minute while browsing /mlp/. By looks of the researcher, its entirely possible.
|Researcher John Bailey, hater of all things finely equine|
In response to the research claiming a false sense of masculine domination within the brony fandom, one /mlp/ user posted:
"Dumb fucking feminist kikes..."
Certainly the researchers are misguided in their presumption that the fandom is composed of sexually perverse womyn haters.
According to the write up by thegaurdian.com, the term hegemonic masculinity pertains to how "men manage to assume and retain dominant positions in society, at the expense of women." The author states that being a hegemonic male means you are "powerful,' 'dominant,' stoic,' 'successful'... not being weird or different," basically anything other than being a loser. And by vying for these traits, men somehow "hold women back."
Did you catch that last part? Hold women back.... At the expense of women...
The researchers found that bronies on 4chan calling each other faggots correlated to them identifying with the male power structures. Idolizing pony butts and disregarding human vagina makes bronies women haters and misogynistic assholes.
Apparently it is now scientifically proven that because bronies adhere to the standards of masculinity -while still maintaining to 'redefine gender roles' by obsessing over a child television show- they are oppressing women. If men are being men, then then are bad! But if men are not doing men things, but still think men things, they are still bad! The web of hypocrisy is never ending.
The only apparent role men can play in society is at the foot of the bed attending to a woman's every whim like a fragile lap dog. Any moment a man acts out of line and expresses any emotion other than regret and humility, a woman's feelings are hurt and the entire gender is considered oppressed.
|Notice the Symbol of Male Oppression.|
In the words of Adam Gabbatt, "it's quite hard being a man," and truer words were never spoken. Just being a man is a sign that you are evil. Just by existing you are perpetuating the 'invisible privilege' that your gender provides. So fuck the haters and make the best of it. Clop away to whatever your dick desires you massive faggots, because either way, >no hooves or >hooves, men will always be oppressing someone or something.
|"It’s quite hard being a man" ~Gabbatt (Photo by The Guardian)|