Everything Everywhere Ruined Forever by Capper General
It was a somber day on the Internet earlier when it was confirmed by experts that "everything was ruined everywhere" by "some fucking thing" that "some asshole did". Sources assure us that "this is a huge fucking deal" and is, as industry leaders say "serious business".
The huge fucking deal was caused earlier when some fucking asshole said some fucking thing about some other fucking asshole about some fucking show and some fucking website.
People deeply personally affected by this dumb fucking thing that some asshole said, took to our comments section to inform us how WE were personally responsible for all their fucking troubles, despite the fact that "no one gives a shit" about what we have to say, about this thing which is still a huge fucking deal.
A recent poll about the huge fucking deal shows that over 60% of people are "mad as fuck" about something that someone said, and 40% "don't give a fuck whatsoever", despite the fact they came out in droves to discuss the "big fucking deal".
Government officials have said in a press conference that it is best to stay indoors until everything is no longer ruined forever by some fucking thing or other, because it is clearly really goddamned important. The surgeon general has issued a statement regarding the treatment of anal rupturing, due to the fucking thing that some asshole said at some point.
"It is important for the citizens of the internet, who may be affected by the fucking thing that some asshole said, to recognize the symptoms of butthurt, and know how to treat it effectively." the Surgeon General said, while receiving a flurry of middle fingers at a press conference. "If someone seems to be irritable, violent, or generally dickish, they may be suffering from anal rupturing, due to the dumb fucking thing that asshole said. If they begin taking things too seriously, and are opposed to fun while simultaneously spouting off conspiracy theories, call an ambulance immediately."
Initial reports of casualties from the fucking thing that happened number in the tens of ones, the epicenter being the comment section of some website that totally must be taken seriously at all times.
Posted Monday, 16 March 2015 at 5:57 pm