After conservative correspondent Stephen Colbert left in December and South Park allowed PewDiePie on television, it was clear the ratings were not the greatest over at Comedy Central. Daily Show host Jon Stewart was not pleased, and has decided to retire from his ground breaking program to pursue his real dream: writing about cartoon ponies.
Eighteen Emmy awards, Two Peabody awards, and several thousand Jew jokes later, it seems Jon Stewart's reign has come to an end. However Stewart does not want his faithful viewers to worry, because he's not completely done with delivering news that matters. After the news of his retirement broke today, we got an email from Stewart expressing his love for our site, comedy, and Rarity. His hebrew statement has been translated below.
"After the sixteen wonderful years with my staff over at Comedy Central, I would be honored to join Horse News. With decades of satirical writing under my belt and a passion for My Little Pony under the same belt, nothing would be more fulfilling than writing about colorful ponies and their disgusting fandom with my fellow social degenerates. I already have a wonderful story about Rarity kicking Rush Limbaugh in the balls! Clearly, this will work out wonderfully."
Jon, of course we'd be honored to have you on the staff. We've got your desk, three quarts of scotch, and film-making participation award already set up for you in Detroit. Just email us your address, social security number, credit card information, and mother's maiden name and we'll get you squared away. Welcome aboard, and thank you for sixteen hilarious years of making the actual news bearable to watch.
We actually just watched his announcement while writing this. In all seriousness, Horse News loves the daily show. But we prefer Colbert. Sorry, bud.