Totally insane man who paid over $750 for charity song, expects it to be finished in 5 months by



You could almost hear the whips crack, as a man identified only as Porpoise sent a message out via skype to a pair of musicians in his employ. "How's the collab song coming along? Do you feel like any input/inspiration would help?" Porpoise demanded. "Or would you like to share some thoughts about it?" The message comes a mere 5 months after he paid over $750 to charity at GermanCon to have a song collab made.

"It'll happen, just give me a bit more time" begged Deceased Gravestone, one of the musicians who agreed to produce the track. He and ShadowBox, have not even begun on the project clearly been working at a breakneck pace on the project, nonstop since it was paid for back in August of last year.


"I can't believe he expects to see progress in such a short amount of time" said Gravestone, a world-renowned classical symphony composer who has only had enough time to eat, sleep, play video games, travel to America for an anime convention and compose 8 other songs, since he accepted the charity commission.

"He has been no help at all!" complains singer ShadowBox, having only been provided with a full-story-premise for themes, sample lyrics, suggestions for musical qualities, cover art designs, stylistic examples, frequent reminders, and a mere half a year of working time by the donor.

"I would never rush along a song before its time," asserts Gravestone, having recently published a song as an homage to a video game that had been released only 3 weeks prior. "Every song I make is a masterpiece that requires months, even years of planning to properly execute. How dare he get impatient with me after a mere 20 weeks?"

Porpoise is clearly asking the duo to work outside of their elements, asking them to make a song with "lot's of synth", a musical device that Deceased Gravestone and ShadowBox have definitely never used before,

"When we assured the high bidder that the song could be about whatever they wanted, repeatedly, I didn't know they actually would!" said Gravestone. "How could I see that coming?"

At press time the duo were slaving away on the 670 Euro song, by playing Five Nights at Freddy's on their computers.

More to come

Comments (19)

  1. Porpoise is so impatient!

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    1. This article sucks is likiweaks too much of a coward to get some real evidence ya know like we usually get, not some half assed satire piece.

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  2. "Ladies and gentlemen: the story you are about to hear is true. Only the names have been changed to protect the innocent."

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  3. So I'm a little lost on this one. What happened? While I enjoy Liki Weaks' sarcastic tone in his (his? I'm assuming you're a dude, Liki) writing style, I'm confused. Context?

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    1. Living Tombstone and ShadyVox auctioned off a song commission by them at last year's Galcon.

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    2. Ah. Thank you!

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  4. This is sarcasm, correct? I feel five months is far more then enough time to make a song. I don't know how long a song takes to make, but I figure it should take around a month. If it was an animation; I could understand, but it's not. Sounds like they're putting personnel projects ahead of the commission, which is bullshit considering the amount paid.

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    1. Yes, this is sarcasm. Don't worry, I'm always looking out for autistic people who can't pick up on the subtle cues of human writing.

      You may also be interested in these (sarcastic) texts:
      -A Modest Proposal
      -American Psycho
      -Dr. Strangelove

      Remember when you read them to carefully recall that they are not serious. Do not start devouring lower class babies.

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    2. @ 4:27
      Sarcasm on text isn't going to be easy. The writer must do a good job at being sarcastic and must communicate beyond text. With an article written like this one, which lacks factors in which makes sarcasm visible in text format, I would understand why people don't get the sarcasm; the writer didn't do a good job at being sarcastic.

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    3. In addition to what 04:27 said, I would also advise to watch out for The Onion news agency - clearly a highly reputable and dependable factual news source, which sometimes is erroneously being mistaken by some folks to be a cesspool of insensitive sarcastic jokes aimed at supporting and promoting oppressive white cisgendered patriarchal society in our so-called "land of the free" - that is actually Fox News.

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    4. Poe's Law says it's not actually possible to "do a good job at being sarcastic" without explicitly saying so; someone will always be mistaken.

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  5. Stewart Copeland would finish it in a week.

    But someone else would have to write the words.

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  6. This is brilliant sarcasm and I hope someone leaves a severed pony head in their shared bed.

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  7. Oh yeah, I was at that auction

    I was wondering what would he have requested the song about.

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    1. Same here anon, same here.

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  8. Don't get your panties in a bunch, it'll be finished before the new Star Wars movie comes out.

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  9. So Shady put out an entire EP but didn't have time to finish one song someone bid hundreds of dollars on...way to go dude.

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  10. I notice I never linked my lengthy account of the events here. I'll do that now
    http://dowlphin.blogspot.de/2015/01/living-tombstone-and-shadyvox-dishonor.html
    and add that according to statements made at a recent convention, the second collab with Wooden Toaster failed, too, because TLT is way too busy bathing in fame (personal note: thanks to the fandom's collective denial and lack of courage making that still possible), while WT completed his part of the project and that WT now intends to finish that second collab project on his own.

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