New evidence suggests 4chan and m00t are older than the internet by


It's no secret that the greatest site to ever bless the internet you can access with out using tor is 4chan, which is also the internet's designated asshole. A place from which lies are truth, man children are heroes, and the code of ethics changes on an hourly basis. While it is suggested the birthplace of countless memes, federal lawsuits, and the worse society has to offer was forged in the depths of hell in 2003 by a then fifteen year old M00t, new evidence suggests that this is a lie. Put on your Illuminati hoods and you hippie shirts because we're going back to 1969.



M00t. A genius, billionaire, playboy philanthropist with a heart of gold. If the sight of his wonderful face doesn't drive you to either arousal or tears, you need to seek medical help. He single handily brought down the Church of Scientology, Osama Bin Laden, Paula Dean, pedophiles, and animal abusers. In his spare time he can be found at local NYC gay bars or ghost writing for his favorite news site, Horse News, under a pseudonym we are legally not allowed to share. But don't be fooled by his youthful exterior and charm, the real man is not who he seems.

New evidence found in the 4chan records was brought to us earlier this morning regarding time stamps on what appears to be a blank test post. It is dated as being before 2003. Way before 2003, in fact. So far back that Muslims were just starting to become scary and John Lennon hadn't been shot. Post number 21354282 on /mlp/ apparently made all the way back on December 31st, 1969.



While we were unable to receive an official statement from Christopher Poole (M00t's IRL name for you new kids) confirming his origins as a Time Lord, this post seems to show us that 4chan was made in the heat of the hippie revolution in the late '60s. Seeing how the internet was nothing more than a concept at a time, we can only assume that Poole created the site on old tape driven computers as a storage system for nearly a megabyte of hand drawn Flinstones pornography. 

What's more interesting is that this post derives from our homeland, /mlp/. This can only mean that Poole used his time traveling abilities to literally create the My Little Pony movement. Starting with molesting brand creator Bonnie Zacherle so she would comfort in small horses, later working his way through Hasbro's ranks to aid in them purchasing the brand and then later hiring FiM creator Lauren Faust, whom he had chosen eons ago to bring forth the Pony revolution.  

truly his might is to be feared

Once Faust was hired there was no stopping the plan m00t had set in motion. Soon there was a massive influx of traffic to two of his favorite boards, /co/ and /b/, filled with even more pathetic individuals than before. Then for his own sick amusement he began banning the very people he had brought to power his erection, as if he was some cruel god. As the dust began to clear and the settlers he brought in tried leaving for greener pastures, m00t sprang the ultimate trap.

sneaky bastard

He brought back /mlp/ and sucked everyone back in again. Now his fuel source rages on, causing incarnations from nightmares and breeding hell spawns all over the internet. People like Final Draft, Capper General, Sethisto, Purple Tinker, Rarifag, Pinkie Pony, Yamino. Sites like Equestria Daily, Derpibooru, fimfiction, mlpchan, and the same one you're reading. All of them are but heads of the same disfigured beast. Tools of a cruel overlord using the emotions and festering nature of the fans involved to satisfy his hunger. Haven't you noticed the signs?




So ask yourself, reader. Why are you here? What are you doing at this site? Why has this one girl's cartoon show and it's fandom become so addicting to you? And most importantly, who is behind it all?
 It was m00t. And who is m00t?

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>͞͞͡y͜f͠ẁ̶ ͏̷̧I͢ ̸̨͠w̵͟͠a̶̧̛ś̨ ̨̨͡͡M̶҉̶̢L̸̵̶̕͡P̢͟͝c̵̵̵̶̛r̷̴̀̀͠i̸t̛̀҉̡͝į̴̨͟c͢ ̨́͏̡͢a̸͢͏҉͞l̷̕͢l҉̶̸̛ ̧̧͜҉ą̶̧̛l̸̡̧̀͘ơ̸͠͝n̷͡g̛҉̴.͏͠͡ ̷͢͝Y̸҉͏͘ǫ́͞ų̴́͠ ̧́͜͜͠ç͏a̸͜n̸͏ ̸̸̶̀͠p̀̕͞͞r̸̨҉̶a̢͟ý͘͞ ҉͝t̸͠͞o͡͡҉̡͘ ́́͠y̸̢o͏͘u̸̸̧͢͟r͘͢͞͝͡ ҉g͜ǫ̸d͏̸̢͢ ̡͏̶͘ņ̢͜͜o̴͟͢w҉͝҉,̢̧͡͏ ̨̡͟p̶̧̨͝͞e̶̷͡a̛̛̛̛s̶̵̛͟҉a͏҉̸̵͜n̷t̴̢̛͠.̴̷

Comments (14)

  1. Season 5 can't come fast enough.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I miss my daily dose of fandom drama. More aoshi and tumblr shit pls.

      Delete
  2. moot is the original cuck

    ReplyDelete
  3. This anal discharge was brought to you by "I can't believe it's not Chelis™"

    ReplyDelete
  4. Horse News is only one step away from posting fan fiction.

    ReplyDelete
  5. The sad thing is that the boredom for waiting for Season 5 is actually forcing you guys to make creative articles. Not that they weren't creative before, but this article... oh man.

    ReplyDelete
  6. Creation is literally bringing something out of nothing.

    You are very creative, OP.

    ReplyDelete
  7. Are you suggesting m00t is spearheading the pony free Press?

    ReplyDelete
  8. >4chan, which is also the internet's designated asshole

    DID YOU KNOW: humans, and indeed all vertebrate animals, are deuterostomes, which means that during our embryonic development, the first morphological feature to appear is the anus -- we grow from the asshole out.

    So too, apparently, the Internet. How poetic.

    ReplyDelete
  9. >what is unix time

    ReplyDelete
  10. Anon who is on about assholes:
    Are you new m8?

    ReplyDelete