Cloudsdale: An Introductory Farewell by


 On January 1st 2015, a brony social network named Cloudsdale was shut down due to unpaid server bills. Usually it only barely managed to scrape by each month and was saved by some newfag who used it to chat with his "girlfriend" (who more likely than not usually turned out to be either a really ugly dude or a small child around the age of twelve), but December turned out to be different in that said users were too caught up in the holidays to realize that their favourite hangout was on its last legs, and by the time they realized it was far too late for anything to be done. Normally this wouldn't be that noteworthy, except that in this case said website had over 30-40k users and a reputation for general faggotry of both sorts.

Welcome to Cloudsdale: neckbeards, furries, pedophiles and excessive homosexuality lie herein.

 It all started as an experiment by one Philip Vieira, a singer for The Midwives of Discord who felt that IRC was an ugly old mess that needed to be replaced with, say, his own custom Ruby on Rails project. Its earliest stages were released online with little ado, and according to the few oldfags that remember, proto-Cloudsdale was almost more of a Facebook clone than a chatsite due to its personal blogs and user profiles. Not much can be said about it, except that it formed a very small tightly-knit community and was probably the most drama-free portion of the site's lifespan.

One of Cloudsdale's earliest iterations, featuring worst horse and macfaggotry
 Unfortunately for these pioneering Neanderthals, this was not to last. On February 2nd an updated beta version of the site was uploaded and revealed to the general public via Equestria Daily's 232nd Nightly Roundup, still claiming that it was a Facebook clone despite the site dropping its barely-used blogging feature. In reality the service was now a chatsite with the main gimmick of "raindrops" (later shortened to drops for convenience's sake), a section on the sidebar that functioned as a permanent list of everything ever linked on the site, along with the capability to upvote and comment on these drops that made it feel like a nightmarish IRC/Plebbit clone until Zeeraw mercifully scaled it back. For the most part this system was woefully underused aside from several furry porn groups, who used it to compile a repository of tacky smut.

A rare screenshot of the beta, complete with early signs of internet cancer.
 Already several potential problems were popping up with the site. The heavy emphasis on users being able to create their own chat groups (hereby to be referred to as "clouds") without a decent way of finding them except via popularity or an inaccurate search function led to conversations being interrupted every few minutes by some newfag wanting to advertise his amazing new dashfag/minecraft/erotic roleplay clouds, most of which were swiftly banned and ended up crowding on the few clouds that did support their attention whoring. There were only global moderators at the time as well, leading to their favourite clouds getting the most attention and the vast majority of them being left to the whims of whoever felt like exploiting the system. Most of these belonged to the clique of oldfags who had been there since the beginning, already retreating into a small circlejerk.

 Even before the "full" release that included the much-disliked iOS app, the userbase was already beginning to gather a reputation as consisting mainly of obese eurofags and annoying children looking for internet relationships with fellow horsefuckers, referring to their partners of ambiguous gender as SSPs (Super Special Pony, as seen in that one Friendship is Magic episode where the Cutie Mark Crusaders date-raped their teacher and an incestuous redneck). The lack of decent moderation also resulted in an uprising of lousy clop clouds, in which teenagers vainly attempted to prove their edginess with increasingly ludicrous fetishes and furries adopted their usual elitist stance, pretending that they were better than all the pitiful little bronies while pretending to have gay dog sex.

Our webservice runs on buzzwords and boiled hipster saliva
 Then the mobile app came, and all hell broke loose. While beforehand the site remained at least some semblance of being about the lesbian equines that everyone was so fond of, the delicate balance of neckbeard/annoying little shits that the site had maintained before was suddenly and dramatically overthrown by a tidal wave of preteens looking for free apps on their iPod Touches. The already somewhat cancerous userbase was entirely unable to handle this influx of newbies and collapsed into thousands of abandoned clouds, several mainline clouds where the vast majority of activity happened, the aforementioned erotic roleplay and furry clouds, and the oldfag bastion of Hammock, where they desperately walled themselves within the confines of the group and gradually abandoned all pretenses of decency due to their increasingly uncontrollable homosexual urges.

 As the downward cycle of degeneracy continued until Cloudsdale's merciful death, several lolcows rose above the rest and became particularly infamous within the site. There was [DATA EXPUNGED] the mentally-challenged pedophile who was revealed as a nigger when he gave a live fedora fashion show to some Irish fag named Callum, and Wyntre the fat furry artist/admin who lived off of college funds and claimed to cast blood magic curses on people he couldn't ban. Since a complete catalog of them would take up several posts worth of information, here is a selection of cancerous material so that one may fully appreciate the loving community of Cloudsdale now that it can no longer be experienced first-hand.

 One thing that can not be fully portrayed through screencaps, try as we might, is precisely how many fucking newfags named themselves Rainbow Dash. One of the admins even ran a database query and found that there were literally several thousand members of the site with some form of the name "Rainbow Dash".


And finally, here's a recording of a pedophile from the site masturbating for eleven minutes:


Horse News wishes to remind you that cancer exists for the sole purpose of fattening lazy researchers' bank accounts and is to be exterminated on sight.

Comments (18)

  1. This seems to be a terrible loss. Not because it looks like a good site, but because it seemed like a good quarantine.

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    1. More newfriend refugees for /mlp/
      The shitposting has been doubled.

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  2. I'm quite glad that the embedded recording isn't appearing for me.

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  3. I've seen the conception, birth life and death of this site. Can't say any of it was unexpected.

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  4. I wish I could have said goodbye to my SSP before Cloudsdale died... now I'm really depressed...

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  5. holy fuck i was not prepared for such extreme autism

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  6. Fucking Van lmao. Fritters was such a whiny autist

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  7. And yet what surprises me the most is that there were people who actually used it.

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  8. That last pic about mine sweeper has to be a troll, right?

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    Replies
    1. It probably is, but it's not impossible for it to be real. Stranger things have happened.

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    2. It was a troll, I know the person

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    3. Fire. Where was your alternative chat site you suggested when this site was dying? o,o

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  9. The best thing about the internets isn't the sites that make you smarter by reading and learning, but the ones that make you feel smarter just by existing. Truly, web is the new soap.

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  10. I'm glad to be apart of this article and to have experienced the brilliance that was, I'll pass down the news to my ancestors for now I'll end my life.

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  11. The funny thing about this site was there was complete retards who actually believed many things. And Jesus, newfags, god no. Furries and Homestuck and Bronies were all just so fucking stupid in general, Hope to never see a resurrection to this site. Because it is purely dead. Now that's what I call Autism!

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  12. Funny thing is, they're making a new one right now called Chatspry! Not sure if I'll see my best friend there though. Hopefully he/she does show up.

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  13. This site was little to nothing compared to how this person describes it. Its people like this that start controversy. This person does nothing but speak of the shadowy parts of this site, but for there to be a shadow there must be a light to cast it. Farewell my old friends. Sincerely: Jwarze

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  14. The site is returning you whores

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