|Life is cruel|
Meet NicePeter. While I probably don't have to explain what this crap is to most of you, NicePeter came up with an incredibly popular YouTube series called "Epic Rap Battles of History" a couple years back with the inaugural video entitled John Lennon vs Bill O'Reilly. Believe it or not, the success of the videos are actually warranted, some of the match ups being pretty damn funny and well made. Stephen Spielberg vs Alfred Hitchcock, Barrack Obama vs Mitt Romney, Dr. Seuss vs Shakespeare, Martin Luther King Jr. vs Gandhi, and many other match ups have amazing material, especially for amateur white people.
Then there's the fan made content.
Hell here's a perfect example of the holy trinity of cringey. Cheap production values, terrible writing, and presented as an MLP/Sonic cross over. For whatever reason, the collective minds of users have flooded YouTube with parodies and different versions of the popular series involving a plethora of characters. Many of these rehashes even involve cartoon series, which ultimately leading to ponies. Exactly the type of material Horse News needs!
Seriously, just listen to the beginning of this. Do you really need to continue to listen to know what we're dealing with? White children should be banned from writing raps about cartoons and then posting their awkward product on the internet for the world to see. Material so bad they cause physical pain is often the fastest way to attract those "haters" that run so rampant for people who make crap these days.
It looks as if the holy autistic trinity can't be stopped, with the same artist having EVEN MORE Sonic and MLP crossovers. This time he took the heaviest crossover shipping ever conceived and had them battle each other. Which is actually very proactive, as opposed to making them have weird fetish sex or, worse, be made in to some slapstick comedy shtick.
Oh look, another cancer combo. This time it seems adventure met magic, with circa 2001 Newgrounds quality. Not only that, but it begs the question: Why UCF? I know it's a battle but why UCF? It sounds illegal and that could get us sued again. I can't say much else, it's as bad as you'd think. Although there's one thing I can commend the artist for doing, which is attempting to pander to my inner pervert with this little number.
Oh look, the most random shipping pair got a match up, too. Also this is a very special edition of Epic Rap Battles of Cartoons. There's an extra long intro to show how this one particular guy has been doing these videos for NEARLY A YEAR AND A HALF.
The actual video, like the entire collection, is spine curdling to say the least. You know when you're driving down the highway and see a car wreck and you're appalled by the severity of it, but your morbid curiosity forces you to gaze? Reviewing these is the same thing, disgusting yet addicting as a psychological puzzle to understand how people can make something so effective at making one give up on humanity.
Oh but let's not forget ponies also battle each other. There were a number of these, but the best I thought showcased what we're dealing with here is Twilight vs fucking Mare Do Well. That's right, the one shot superhero that didn't talk which really everyone of the main cast except Rainbow Dash, INCLUDING TWILIGHT. A character that was arguably involved in the worst episode of the entire series.
Not much to go in to, it's visually bad and bizarre. Just like Spitfire vs Rainbow Dash, the Flim Flam bros. vs the Apple Klan, Vinyl vs Octavia, Zecora vs Chief Thunderhooves for whatever fucking reason, and Discord and Nightmare Moon, to name a few. I say visually because I can't even be mad about the audio, because it's the actual Epic Rap Battle tracks. Say what you want about the other videos I listed, but at the very least you can say they came up with something original. The creators of these particular videos didn't even make anything original. I mean at this point it just seems they're scrapping the bottom of the cum encrusted barrel for ideas now. No way can the concept for these videos get any more cringe worth-
-HOLY SHIT. They busted the holy trinity! They actually created a demonic quadrant. Awful production quality, awful writing, the most stereotypical MLP/Sonic crossover, and the basis isn't just the canon characters. It's based off of two different fanfictions. Not just fanfictions, but creepy pastas. Hell, not just good creepy pastas even, but Rainbow Factory and Sonic.EXE. A pair of the worst and not scary stories you could have picked. It was so bad I had to finish every source of Alcohol on hand, and I was saving it all for New Years. You fucking monster, shame on you for this.
Once again, there's nothing you can't find involving this fandom that won't make you question why humans are the dominant species, or why parents continue to allow the less mentally stable on the internet. If you're looking for weird and fun rap battles on the internet, stick to the original series or literally the other half of the videos on WorldStarHipHop that aren't black people fighting.
See this image above? That's me as a little girl. I finished all of these, one by one. Horse News doesn't pay me, I didn't need to do it. But I did. I did because my life is spiraling down a deep hole.