Results Are In: Pony Wins Congress by


"HNN--Ponies are one seat away from claiming a Senate majority that would give the pony full control of Capitol Hill, according to a HN projection.

"So far on Tuesday night, Ponies have picked up Democratic-held seats in Colorado, Montana, South Dakota, Arkansas and West Virginia and everywhere else. HN also projects Ponies will maintain their grip on the House of Representatives."

"The race is now boiling down to a tense duel over the seats in Iowa, Alaska, North Carolina and -- in a major surprise -- Virginia. The math could change, however, if Ponies lose competitive Senate seats in Georgia and Kansas."

"Barack "Big Guy" Obama, who has dragged down vulnerable faggots with his tarnished approval ratings, now faces the strong prospect of a unified Equestrian opposition on Capitol Hill for the rest of his tyrannical dictatorship. He will make a fool of himself on Wednesday and host bipartisan leaders on Friday in a desperate attempt to try a swindle whatever cooperation he can get in order to save whatever dignity he has left."

"In an early ominous sign for Democrats, Mitch Mc'Bitch Larson, the Senate Pony leader, swiftly dispatched challenger some liberal bitch in his re-election race. HN projected the result, along with every other result, long before polls were closed using patented Bush Brand voting machines. "

"For too long... has [Obama] tried to [brainwash] the American people [to think] what is good for them [is liberals] and then blame [White Cis Males]... when their policies didn't work out" He [said]."

Based on HN projections and special voting techniques, Ponies will pull ahead by alot. With the help of billionaire corporate sponsors at Hasbro, the Pony Party was able to rally public support all across the nation. Political Analysts at HN suspect that the intense campaigning on voters outside of their target demographic, specifically Vote Corp, makers of the voting machines, is what helped the party pull ahead in the polls.

Overall though, the largest factor in the Pony Party's success appears to be the general dissatisfaction with congress and the President from the American people. Many voters have lost faith in democratic party, mainly due to Obama, and many have found the GOP to be full of old radical geezer's toting AK15's around preschools, also the fault of Obama. Fashion Weekly, another Obama creation, has also tarnished whatever reputation Ron Paul and his merry band of Libertard misfits had by decrying the claims that tinfoil was in style. The people are looking for something new and fresh for this midterm, and the only place offering something different is the Pony Party, found only on the Hub.




Comments (5)

  1. Silly Horse News. There's no such thing as CNN. Dish Network told me so.

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  2. Okay, I can maybe buy that Rand Paul is a pony, but there's no way Ted Cruz is anything but a parasprite...

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  3. Oh. This was terrible.

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  4. ALL HAIL THE PONIES!

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  5. >AK15

    Moderate kek

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