Hasbro X Dreamworks Ship shot to hell by


November was setting itself up to be "the month that launched a thousand ships"; with the MandoFire announcement, the HasbroXDreamworks merger, and that other #horsefamous ship that clogged up your twitter feeds for the better portion of three days. As it happens though, it seems not all ships are seaworthy, and some have to be scuttled.

"The Dream Team" is dead.

According to Variety, after the stocks of Hasbro took a vicious 4% stock drop on rumors of merger with Dreamworks animation, the CEOs decided to break up with their waifus via textmessage.


Dreamworks-chan was of course crushed, and sent several crying emojis in response, before having a hostile-takeover of a local ice-cream parlor chain.

Hasbro contends that "things were just moving way too fast" and they had "just got out of a bad relationship with Discovery channel". In private, Hasbro told his friends that Dreamworks was "too needy" and "kinda flakey" at times.

"$30 a share? What do I look like, Disney?" Said Hasbro, cracking a beer with his friends Funko and WeLoveFine at a local singles bar.

"Golddigger." agreed Funko.

Dreamworks has been telling her friends that "the split was mutual" despite her $2 per share losses over the breakup, and sudden change of hairstyle.

At presstime, Dreamworks was heard sobbing drunkenly into a telephone saying "I promise I won't do the face anymore, just please come over!"

Comments (1)

  1. This is legitimately the funniest thing I've read in weeks.

    ...I guess I need to read more comedy gold.

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