Florida Horsefucker Arrested, Nobody Surprised by


        In what can only be described as the caper of the century, a Florida man has been locked up for the simple crime of making loving to his waifu. How did this travesty come to fruition? Find out after the break.

        Our fellow in question, Sean Johnson, entered a Wal-Mart, before high-tailing it to the stuffed animals sections. As of this moment, we aren't sure which pony he picked, but I assume it's Twilight Sparkle, because he looks like a typical plebeian.

        Staff then noticed he was "acting suspiciously", which I have come to interpret as passionately making out with his four-hoofed lady friend in the aisle.

        Deciding that merely macking on his stuffed friend with benefits wasn't enough, he absconded to the bedding section of the store, before throwing his purple plotted waifu onto the bed.

An artist recreation of the visit to the bedding department


         In what can only be described as the most torrid love affair ever witnessed outside of the bathroom at a Wal-Mart, the perpetrator returned his beloved Sparkle Butt to her shelf, with a quiet promise to visit her again

        Soon after, the horse fag ran away from the store, probably because by this point security was hot on his heels. Those who witnessed his escape claimed that he professed undying love to Twilight as he fled the scene, tears streaming down his face. One witness was so moved, he proposed to his girlfriend on the spot.

        However, Sean was caught later that day, and proclaimed that he did indeed love his waifu, and was immediately jailed for having terrible taste in ponies, and is expected to soon be in court.


Comments (23)

  1. "...terrible taste in ponies..." that's a strange way of spelling "wonderful," anon.

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    1. I would have agreed with you before Sunset Shimmer became the greatest thing ever.

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  2. Sunset is indeed the best new character. But she's mine

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  3. Please tell me this is one of those made up stories just for fun. Please...

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    1. Ithappened.doompaul

      Welp, guess I'm not setting foot in a toy store ever again.

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    2. It actually happened. I read elsewhere "Flordia man caught masturbating into stuffed animal at walmart"
      and then I come to Horse News the next day, and it's a horsefucker.

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  4. I don't even understand

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  5. It wasn't an MLP plush. Some other horsetoy

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    1. The article never says if it was an MLP plush or another plush horse toy, but think about it. How many "plush horse toys" are there going to be in the toy section of a department store? And wouldn't a person be more likely to go for one based on MLP than a generic normal horse toy?

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    2. "How many "plush horse toys" are there going to be in the toy section of a department store?"

      Lots. Stuffed toy section in all stores near me are full of generic toy horses, maybe at best a single MLP one.

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    3. As the police report says, he “selected a brown, tan, and red stuffed horse from the clearance shelf.” Clearly, in his time of need, this poor man resorted to shit tier horse.

      On a side note, I'm glad I don't live in a country where mug shots, statements and police reports are public even before court proceedings.

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    4. Well, it could always be this http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-pdJZhdlQslU/U7LLKfDER1I/AAAAAAAAB_A/Bc5br9bma7U/s1600/funrise-applejack-rainbowfied-plush-10-inch.JPG

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  6. It must be Fruitbowl Wednesday.

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  7. "The cameras then captured Johnson putting the toy covered in ejaculate back on the store shelf"

    He must have been pretty backed up to completely cover a plushie in cum.

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    1. Ever wondered where all those hateboners cum from?

      Now you know.

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  8. Why is Florida full of weirdos? In fact why is the South full of them? God damn...

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  9. The guy's older brother is named Max Larue Johnson and the landline phone number for the house they both live in is 1-352-793-9608.

    Source: http://flvoters.com/by_number/1181/81423_max_johnson.html

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  10. Replies
    1. It really happened tho

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  11. That awkward moment when actually living in Florida

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  12. Of course he's from Florida. All the people in that Central Florida Brony group are the worst people I've ever met.

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    1. I can confirm this as well.

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