Brony gets LIFE, is severely disappointed by Liki Weaks
After being told to "get a life" for nearly four years, local brony Dustin Budalo was ecstatic to finally achieve his goal yesterday evening. Dustin, 29, purchased a Life from Hasbro, that is catered to bronies. He was immediately disappointed.
Life, is a cherished experience enjoyed by billions of people around the world, but many have noticed in recent years, that most bronies don't have one. So the braintrust at Hasbro created a life for bronies, that cater's to their styles and needs.
Unlike most lifes, the My Little Pony life provides bronies with 4 distinct personalities to choose from. Bronies can choose to be misunderstood intellectual-types who don't speak often, clumsy and socially awkward types who mess up everything, shitty white wubstep DJs, or overpowered OC alicorn mary-sues who are given power for no reason.
These are the only 4 paths a brony can take in the pony life.
"But, I wanted to be someone awesome, like Rainbow Dash." Dustin said, tears welling in his eyes.
"Tough shit Dustin." Hasbro said.
Once you have chosen your path, the brony life continues almost the same as a normal life, except landing on "move out of your mother's basement" doesn't happen until much later in the game.
Also for added realism, Hasbro removed any possibilities of getting married or having children in this life.
In the brony life, players can earn money along the way, which can be used to pay for plushies and convention attendance.
"This is stupid," Dustin said, halfway through life. "There has to be better more to life than this!"
Upon inspecting the box he realized that all of the pieces were in fact present. Becoming frustrated and disappointed that Pony life wasn't as magical or as happy and enjoyable as he had previously believed, Dustin decided to abandon the Pony life, in search of a better life.
Having given up on the Brony Life, many speculated that Dustin was going to get a NORMAL Life with family and children, however at press time, Dustin was seen trying to choose between the equally unfulfilling Disney Life or the 15 years of disappointment in the Simpsons Life.