YouTube targets pony sex market with Howrse.com by


In a culture obsessed with money and advertising, it seems companies reach newer and newer lows each day. Even companies born from the cesspool of the internet somehow find a way to outdo themselves. YouTube is no exception, because even after literally advertising videos as if they were television shows, they now advertise virtual horse fucking in the form of Howrse.com



The advertisement in question came from the video known as Rocks and Stuff, a modest video with just under sixty-five thousand views. Normally we wouldn't give a rat's ass about something like this, but OP decided he should point out something very interesting. Besides showing that he is in fact an idiot for not using adblock, he also showed something very disturbing from YouTube's targeted advertising. 

A game about Horse breeding.



So is it true? With advertisements for a game like Howrse or the blatant video suggestions leading to horses making whoopie, has YouTube taken advantage of the disgusting nature of Bronies and appealed to their sexual urges?

More than likely, yes. It's a giant company, of course they'd do something so low for profit. However that isn't important. It turns out there's a free game about Horse Breeding and we're only just now finding out? Are you kidding me? 

Well we at Horse News immediately took interest and created accounts of our very own to get in on the action. My pony, properly named Critic Sprinkles, was soon ready and designed. Now it was time to get in on that sweet pony action...


...holy shit this is boring. No seriously, not one moment of Horse Tang at all. Granted there is a section for breeding, but you can't even access it right away. It has to be earned through ungodly amounts of weak RPG action. Feeding, stroking, grooming, it's just all so boring. I pressed on though, wanting to see if there was any pay out at all.

Wait what is this?



Well it seems that aside from being boring, Howrse is also apart of the occult, stealing rituals from the devil worshiping mind of J.K. Rowling's Harry Potter series. As if this game wasn't disappointing enough, it seems it has aligned itself with a dirty, lesser fandom instead of a proper one. 

So after repeating the basic functions of feeding, playing, and aging, you can finally ride your pony! Aw yeah, this is going to be great!


Side note: Why the hell is the mascot a monkey?
While this isn't a sexy form of riding, it's still the only exciting thing to happen since finding out about the dark magic hidden in the site. And at the ripe age of a year and six months, it took a bit of time and effort. I retract that last statement on the grounds that nothing fucking happened.

Let me give you the short version until you can breed. You age your horse to two years old, allowing it to train. If you haven't killed your horse by forgetting to feed it or increase moral or whatever the hell this game uses, then you continue your quest. Blah blah blah, add six months to your age and finally your horse can do the shiggy.



Once you reach the official legal age for pony sex (2 years and 6 months) the game decides to set you up with a free mare. An older mare, we might add. In addition to your own personal whore owned breeding mare, you also can be your very own boss by offering yourself to the public or even setting up breeding with friends. Oh boy let's see what's about to go down!


Aw yes! It's a match, so you know what that means? Hardcore, aching, beautiful, wet Horse se-



-THAT'S IT? Okay that tears it, this game is NOT sexy. I didn't get one erection, the "gameplay" is boring and falls in line with every other text based role playing game on the internet ever, it also has a trap to make you buy tokens (again, like every other internet game), and I didn't get one erection. I do not recommend this game, and would also like to add shame on YouTube's targeted advertising for not delivering what it promises.

I give this game 2 NashEFN pussy twitter rants out of 10, and would never recommend it to anyone. Unless your fetish is boring text based horse breeding, then by all means, have at it. If you do, make sure to breed with Critic Sprinkles.





This gif really had nothing to do with anything, but it was glorious so I had to use it. Horse News seriously hopes you breed with all our horses, because we put out easily.

Comments (13)

  1. With all the time and money you'll spend on those "free to play" games, you might as well just buy your own fucking horse.

    ReplyDelete
  2. The day all standards fall will be the Final Day.

    And the day after I will get up as usual.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. That gif is fucking fantastic.
      This whole article is gold >'I did not get an erection'.

      Delete
  3. I want to fuck Maude Pie so fucking hard.

    ReplyDelete
  4. Man, that NashEFN is such a pain in the butt. I wish he would just go away. He does nothing but spread hatred and negativity. I should really just block him.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Do it. But call him a faggot first

      Delete
    2. That feel when Nash is the one doing the hate-mongering. Y'all are just having fun and being yourselves, and there's nothing wrong with that. Not everything in this fandom has to be a hugbox.

      Delete
    3. He's butthurt over the fact that nobody likes EFN anymore. All those Red Bull fueled nights of playing webprogrammer gone straight into the shitter. All thats really come out of EFN the past year has been passive aggressive tweets.

      Delete
    4. Efn was never that big.
      Also
      'playing webprogrammer'
      >You're either a programmer, a web developer or a web designer there is no such thing as a webprogrammer. If you're going to bash someone at least understand what it is they do.

      Delete
    5. "at least understand what it is they do"

      I probably understand it better than you do mr Dream, seeing as I practice all those disciplines on a regular basis. I worded it that way to maximize the butthurt, which seems to have worked.

      Delete
  5. You guys do know the philosopher's stone is much, much older than Harry Potter right?

    .... just making sure.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. >implying the HorseNews staff isn't underage b&

      Delete