In a culture obsessed with money and advertising, it seems companies reach newer and newer lows each day. Even companies born from the cesspool of the internet somehow find a way to outdo themselves. YouTube is no exception, because even after literally advertising videos as if they were television shows, they now advertise virtual horse fucking in the form of Howrse.com
The advertisement in question came from the video known as Rocks and Stuff, a modest video with just under sixty-five thousand views. Normally we wouldn't give a rat's ass about something like this, but OP decided he should point out something very interesting. Besides showing that he is in fact an idiot for not using adblock, he also showed something very disturbing from YouTube's targeted advertising.
A game about Horse breeding.
So is it true? With advertisements for a game like Howrse or the blatant video suggestions leading to horses making whoopie, has YouTube taken advantage of the disgusting nature of Bronies and appealed to their sexual urges?
More than likely, yes. It's a giant company, of course they'd do something so low for profit. However that isn't important. It turns out there's a free game about Horse Breeding and we're only just now finding out? Are you kidding me?
Well we at Horse News immediately took interest and created accounts of our very own to get in on the action. My pony, properly named Critic Sprinkles, was soon ready and designed. Now it was time to get in on that sweet pony action...
...holy shit this is boring. No seriously, not one moment of Horse Tang at all. Granted there is a section for breeding, but you can't even access it right away. It has to be earned through ungodly amounts of weak RPG action. Feeding, stroking, grooming, it's just all so boring. I pressed on though, wanting to see if there was any pay out at all.
Wait what is this?
Well it seems that aside from being boring, Howrse is also apart of the occult, stealing rituals from the devil worshiping mind of J.K. Rowling's Harry Potter series. As if this game wasn't disappointing enough, it seems it has aligned itself with a dirty, lesser fandom instead of a proper one.
So after repeating the basic functions of feeding, playing, and aging, you can finally ride your pony! Aw yeah, this is going to be great!
|Side note: Why the hell is the mascot a monkey?|
Let me give you the short version until you can breed. You age your horse to two years old, allowing it to train. If you haven't killed your horse by forgetting to feed it or increase moral or whatever the hell this game uses, then you continue your quest. Blah blah blah, add six months to your age and finally your horse can do the shiggy.
Once you reach the official legal age for pony sex (2 years and 6 months) the game decides to set you up with a free mare. An older mare, we might add. In addition to your own
Aw yes! It's a match, so you know what that means? Hardcore, aching, beautiful, wet Horse se-
-THAT'S IT? Okay that tears it, this game is NOT sexy. I didn't get one erection, the "gameplay" is boring and falls in line with every other text based role playing game on the internet ever, it also has a trap to make you buy tokens (again, like every other internet game), and I didn't get one erection. I do not recommend this game, and would also like to add shame on YouTube's targeted advertising for not delivering what it promises.
I give this game 2 NashEFN pussy twitter rants out of 10, and would never recommend it to anyone. Unless your fetish is boring text based horse breeding, then by all means, have at it. If you do, make sure to breed with Critic Sprinkles.
This gif really had nothing to do with anything, but it was glorious so I had to use it. Horse News seriously hopes you breed with all our horses, because we put out easily.