The Horse-News staff likes to drink. A lot in fact. One night while drinking, one staffer got a raving for potato salad and took to google to acquire a recipe for it. What he found, threw him and his fellow staffers into a drunken fit. Some kid on the internet named "Zach Danger Brown", has raised over $44,000 on Kickstarter so that he can buy some potato salad. Without putting much thought into it, the group came to the conclusion that we should finally actually try to acquire the Horse News Sexy Action News Party Van we've always dreamed about
That's right folks, the apex of journalistic integrity is back and looking to bring you more hard-hitting coverage of whatever the fuck we feel like, and this time it's for real. I guess.
Many people have been asking what HN's "Stretch Goals" are for the van (as-in, what will we do if by some unthinkable act, HN actually acquires MORE than $2000 for the project).
After several moments of deep thought, we came up with this list of stretch goals.
$2000 - We actually get a fucking Van
$2020 - We spraypaint "Horse-News" on the side of the van
$2022.37 - We spraypaint "Free Candy" on the OTHER side of the van.
$2050 - We give candy to children while in the van
$2100 - We get drunk in the news van
$2600 - We afford the gas and insurance for the news van
$2700 - We install a bed in the back of the van
$2900 - We put a kegerator in the Van
$2901 - We "find" a satellite dish and attach it to the roof of the van
$3000 - We put a soundsystem and a beerpong table in the van
$3001.29 - We download the song "Dangerzone" legally on iTunes and circle the Baltimore Convention Center playing it on loop.
$3100 - We install a stripperpole in the van
$3200 - We hire strippers for the stripperpole
$3201 - We tip one stripper
$3202 - We tip the other stripper
$3500 - We cram the van full of spaghetti and use it for the Nightmare Nights Food Drive in the Fall
$5000 - We buy a motorhome instead
$6000 - We attend EVERY CONVENTION ON THE CONTINENT EFFECTIVE IMMEDIATELY
$10,000 We buy some potato salad and eat in near the van.
$10,000,000,000 - Horse News Space Program
So, if you are just overwhelmed with the amount of money in your possession, and
Still better than potato salad.
Yes, I WILL make a drink for you at a con, just as these other guys promised I would. Without asking me.
When the ride is over the van will be sold and all proceeds will go to charity.