WAR With the Dragons Imminent, Semites to Blame... Again by

Tonight tensions rise as the dragons and ponies come closer and closer to the singularity that is a cold nuclear war, one insult or one offhand comment too far and kaput the world goes. Human nations fear an exponential growth in insults and shitposting leading to MAD (Mutually Asured Destruction). Some anal-ists that wish to remain anonymous have come to the conclusion that, once again, the Semites are to blame.

But some don't see a resolution in genocide, as sad as these news can be, the situation is way more complicated than one might think. The Dragons are known to be greedy and very territorial of their gems and resources. Lately they have seen an interest in the ponies, their technology and their ability to fly with metal birds, intriguing them so that they are considering war. (Some how not being able to make the connection that humans gave them the technology 2 decades ago.) But the Dragons are not alone in their curiosity, as some studies show that there is indeed black gold under the arid desert lands of Dragons, Oil being a great interest in many human nations may skew the scale one way rather than the other.
Pretty sure it is
Right now the situation room is nothing but a noisy room where idiots argue about who, what or how to stop this situation in the situation room from escalating out of control and into an all out war. Some try to use logic and reason in useless attempts to reach the youth of Dragon kind, who sadly too stupid and ignorant to seek reason, as they are too busy tweeting dick pics and lava shots.
Other anal-ists propose a truce, but during the truce period Equestria must build its military capabilities to secure a safe and ensured MAD. Chemical weapons like ricin bombs and Ebola water are some of the suggested options for weapons to build up.

Thankfully Equestria is not absolutely alone as the Changeling Queen herself; Chrysalis, is having talks with dignitaries from both Equestria and her own nation. During one of these meetings last night a comment was leaked about a mutual beneficial contract where you're waifu can be saved from MAAAD bombs.
New developments into the disappearance of the Princess of the Moon; Luna, lead to foul play, or even kidnapping by a Dragon special operation as suspicious activities were reported late last Wednesday near the Canterlot Cadillac theater, as a broken Doritos-Amethyst taco from Taco-Belle was found near a trashcan, next to a dark blue feather feared to belong to the moon princess.

Early this morning the Princess of the Sun, sister of Luna and ruler of all of Equestria, has asked many human nations for aid since all this ebin drama with the dragon has kept her too busy to plan a course of action to find her lost sister. Clearly she is distraught as she has to choose between two things she cares most about, her people, or her sister. 

But as expected, "HUMANS AIN'T NOBODY'S BITCH!" The UN has yet to comment on the decision made by human dignitaries, as Celestia clearly concerned proves yet again that "she a dumb ass hoe" says Banjo Tyrone from middle America. Anal-ists are trying to make something good out of this decision as they plan to play a double game, where both parties loose, but only one wins; the humans. Their plan? to tell on Celestia, in exchange of mining rights in the Land of Dragons.

Clearly our tax money hard at work: Creating the biggest assholes since 1776


Breaking News as leaked documents (a third grade coloring book) shows that Luna was part of an Equestia based spying agency that harnesses her power of the night to spy on good proud American citizens, oy vey. Her Nightly powers known to many in Pony culture as being edgy at night, talking really loud and of course, the ability to access anyone's dreams. This public knowledge was many times ignored by human ignorance until the day it was posted on filterwars.com

Strangely enough, no one in Equestria really cares, but the outrage of the human population can be heard for miles as the deletion of porn folders, internet histories, and lobotomies become the norm. Obama gave a speech today at 4:00 pm today adressing the issue of international dreamstate spying.

                                "uuhhh... the American people do not have to fear a flying unicorn, the military might of the US will strike any and all opposition that could damage US or uuuuhhh.... our allies. Now let me be clear... our relations with the Dragon kind or Israel will not  interfere the super bowl playoffs next weekend against the Staliongrad Bears, my bet is on the Yankees..."

Men and their families now wait, glued to their televisions as a new cold war approaches. Anal-ists predict that it will not be as pretty as the last one, as some /pol/iticians fear for a false flag attack to occur during the Superbowl next weekend where the NY Yankees play against the Staliongrad Bears in Staliongrad, just 20 miles away from the capital of Canterlot.

Comments (8)

  1. You got Obama's speech pattern down.

  2. Seems like it all checks out. Carry on.

  3. Dumb.

    0/10 worst article ever since that other one that shall not be named. Horse News, you've lost your touch.

    1. :c you dont meen that right? its my first articool, be nicer plz

  4. I was this thread's OP. And i fucking love the article :)