Journal of the Two Sisters by

Say goodbye to your headcanons! The latest shameless attempt at profiteering off of novelization based on the Friendship is Magic series goyim, written by show writer Amy Keating-Rodgers, discusses the rise to power of Princesses Celestia and Luna and effectively negates any pre-existing fanfiction on the topic.
Make sure to buy our books through legal, authorized sellers, goyim!
((WARNING: SPOILERS BELOW!))


The story begins with a major kick in the nuts to your Equestrian history fanfiction by almost immediately stating that the Princesses were given power by Starswirl the Bearded, alongside a coalition of ponies from each race.  The decision was made on the basis that the Princesses were of the far superior Alicorn master race and therefore designated to rule.

From there, the book is basically written in a first person narrative from the perspective of both sisters, as seen in the following screenshot of the book

U FUKKEN WOT M8?

Alicorns? As in, multiple Alicorns? Like a whole fucking race of them?

...Anyways, the story goes on to describe the coronation party, in which the moon is raised, and the ponies did feast upon the lambs, and sloths, and carp, and anchovies, and orangutans, and breakfast cereals, and fruit bats, and- Well, you get the picture.

The two new Princesses immediately place all of their focus on where to build their new castle, as is characteristic of all good rulers.  They decide on the Everfree Forest, where they learn from Starswirl about the Tree of Harmony.  We also find out about Princess Luna's trapdoor fetish and apparently that Princess Celestia shares basically the same personality as Twilight Sparkle at the beginning of the show.

In the next entry, some of the Princesses' slaves ponies who volunteered with their own free will to help with the building of the castle have disappeared into the forest.  Luna goes to investigate and gets into a fight with a manticore.  And, just as the manticore's parents probably warned him, it all ended in tears; or, more accurately, with the manticore "crumpling into a heap of sadness."
CRAAAAAWLING IIIIIN MY SKIIIIIIIN!
It was at this point that the OP of the thread announced that this thing was like 180 pages long, and I sure as hell wasn't about to read that shit.  So I just kinda scanned the rest of it to see if there was anything interesting.  I found Luna winking at her manticore friend, something about Luna's organ and Chancellor Puddinghead, Celestia having the biggest hard-on for Starswirl, Starswirl wanting to try out some new and kinky shit, zebras giving out C&Ds...

Oh, and apparently Twilight's family is descended from Commander Hurricane.  So there go all your fics about the history of Twilight's family, too.

Other than that, Star Swirl is a time traveler, the leader of the Crystal Empire is Princess Amore (possibly related to Cadance?), using too much magic at a time can make you lose it forever, and then it ends with no big conflicts between Celestia and Luna as we were expecting/hoping for and transitions into the Mane 6's journal entries.

Overall, it was kinda meh, needed more porn...
Page 18 of the Mane 6's entries. It's legit.
>inb4 new general
WOAH, SPOKE TOO SOON! Guess there is a little something for you fetishists out there.
O-oh my
Although I didn't read it, I can conclude with a pretty high degree of certainty that the Mane 6's entries are basically a collection of lesbian horse fetishist porn.

(Thanks to the OP who posted the pics of the book)

Comments (23)

  1. Wow. Just wow. This is suspiciously like shit, except it's a book. The smell, the texture, it's all there, but... it totally looks like a book.

    I'd better eat it to make sure.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. ...Are you trying to hide your scat fetish from us, anon?

      Delete
  2. Seems like this thing drives the canon all over the place. Fuck, I'm really curious now.

    ReplyDelete
  3. TJotTS is like the Star Wars prequels; a giant "fuck you" to the fans and everybody else who's played in that space. It's quite obvious from reading that when she (and the writers) say they make shit up as they go they ain't lying. The comic's writers might tell us not to think too deeply into things, but at least they've spent a few seconds of their lives to consider the implementations of how their historical fiction ties into the greater whole.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. When do they say this, the cartoon writers?

      Delete
    2. I think there were multiple instances of it, but latest was at BABSCon, McCarthy tried to pan the answer out and pretty it up and then Larson admitted that they don't really care about consistency when writing episodes.

      Delete
    3. Was that BABSCon this year or last? Has anyone got a link with a general point in the vid where it takes place (I can't watch the whole thing)? Also, the Larson bit - are you referring to the thing he said last year about how he sees it as a sitcom where nothing changes? You gotta bear in miind he's the director, he doesn't write often.

      Delete
    4. At Draftcon, Larson talked about how they basically just make shit up while they're writing and hope DHX edits it into consistency.

      Delete
  4. This is where someone must surely come and explain the differences between primary and secondary canon...

    Anyone?

    Besides, you all know fanfic doesn't work that way. The past is just a suggestion, the present merely an idea.

    ReplyDelete
  5. I find this product dubious: ISBN or GTFO.

    ReplyDelete
  6. ISBN-10: 0316282243
    ISBN-13: 978-0316282246

    Have you hugged your librarian today?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. My husband is one, so yes.

      Delete
    2. awwhhh... that was a cute mental image... you should fuck him like mad too

      Delete
  7. So, everybody, how does this conflict with the established canon, precisely? Does it conflict with Hearth's Warming Eve at all?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Anybody? Helllooooo?

      Delete
    2. Why don't you find an image rip of it and read it, you goddamn crying faggot. I am so sick of retards like >>18208437 where you expect someone to spoonfeed you. I suffered through it, and so should you just so you can make your own fucking opinions for once in your autistic life.

      Delete
    3. It's not the only thing, but at one point it says that the zebras come from the other side of the everfree forest, which is quite frankly ridiculous in a multitude of ways even ignoring the (now pretty canon) map.

      Delete
  8. The more fanfiction that gets shit on, the better.

    Hasbro gets all my shekels

    ReplyDelete
  9. >"shameless" not struck through

    Well played, Horse News.

    ReplyDelete
  10. I'm almost certain that "Slippery when wet" is from the Bon Jovi album.

    ReplyDelete
  11. Meh. Fanfics get contradicted all the time when based on a still-ongoing series. Fic writers and readers need to have made peace with that if they want to be fic writers and readers. And besides, until this gets confirmed as show canon, if ever it does, people will choose to stick to it or ignore it at their own leisure, so it's not like it really changes anything. Most people still don't even regard the comics as canon, and people seem to generally like those, so really, I don't see the problem here. Not that I regard >"muh headcanons" as a valid critique in the first place, but still.

    ReplyDelete
  12. AHAHAHAHAHAHA Joke's on you, this shit fits MY headcanon like a custom-made glove!

    Anybody here ever read Dangerous Business Going Out Your Door by Jetfire? It's one of the early fanfictions that set the stage for everything else on Equestria Daily, and it's fucking awesome. Everything that has come since, show and book and comic, meshes perfectly with Dangerous Business.

    May I remind you all that one of the oldest headcanons in the fandom is that there were many alicorns? Just look up old fan art of Celestia's parents. The only reason this headcanon fell by the wayside is because bronies went hairbrained coming up with headcanons that were individually unique, since everyone got the idea into their heads that having your own carefully-constructed and tenuously-balanced headcanon was a mark of personal pride. Spoiler: it isn't. Power to yah if you put the effort in to construct one of those, though.

    ReplyDelete