Ponies for Everyone : Meet Presidential Candidate Vermin Supreme by

Artist: Diego D'Andrea
4 months ago, Horse News asked Presidential Candidate Vermin Supreme for an interview. After 4 months, the man who promises "ponies for all" has come through, with the most captivating interview of the year.
Reading that,you probably have many questions. Questions like;
Who is Vermin Supreme?
Why is this on Horse-News?
Is that man in the image wearing a boot on his head?
The answers to that and more are below.

(Update: There's a documentary now)

[Vermin formatted his response email this way intentionally]
  • Q. Welcome to MLP News.
      
                   A. Thank you. 
  
                        First of all let me say that is both an honor and a privilege to have this opportunity to address my very     
         
                        important Brony Voter constituent base. 

                        BRONIES are indeed a VERY IMPORTANT constituency of mine.

                        I believe Bronies were critical in my transition from man to meme.

                        Bronies were responsible for much of the fan art mutations that put me over the top.

                         My promise of Free Ponies for all Americans  is indeed a pledge that I take very seriously.
   
                         TOGETHER, with your help,  we WILL ride our ponies into a zombie powered FUTURE.

                         As we approach the 2016 election,

                       I would like to invite the each and every one of you to join me in my CRUSADE for a more PONY FULL AMERICA .

                          The TIME is WHEN.  IF NOT NOW ?  WHAT ?   
                            Your concerns are indeed my concerns. 

                            I invite anyone interested on working on my camPain in 2016 to contact me IMMEDIATELY.

                           I would also like to remind your readers that I am a college speaker guy .
   
                           I have an edumicational and entertaining presentation that is worth every penny.

                          http://verminsupreme2016.wordpress.com/about/

                          Now , what would you like to ask me?

                               
          Q. How long have you been involved in politics?
  • A. I have been involved in politics since the beginning of time.
  •  
  • Little known fact : I invented politics.
  • In  high school I was elected Mayor for a Day (1979). 
  • I first ran for mayor of  Baltimore in 1987,
  • followed by Mayor of Detroit (1988), 
  • and Mayor of the Nevada Nuclear Test Site (1989). 
  • I then ran for Mayor of the Eastern Seaboard (1991), 
  • Mayor of the lower 48 (1992), 
  • Mayor of The North America Continent (1996), 
  • Emperor of the New Millennium (2000). 
  • In 2004, in order to focus on my core message, and for the sake of simplicity
  •  
  • I 'copped' to running for president of America. 
  • I have been running ever since.
  • Q. What can you tell us about your "Pony Platform"?
  • A. The so called "PONY PLATFORM" will be a TRANSFORMATIVE MOMENT for AMERICA and the world.

The switch to a Pony Based Economy (PBE)   will revolutionize the way AMERICA  does BUSINESS
 and CHANGE the WAY Americans live.
One IMPORTANT thing to REMEMBER about the free pony program of course, is that it is an absolutely FREE pony program.
  • "Once we have UNIVERSAL PONY OWNERSHIP, we will have EQUITY in the ponies we will own. 
  • Once we have UNIVERSAL PONY OWNERSHIP, amongst the citizenry ,  we will be able to borrow against it.  
  • Once we've established  pony-based debt, we can then create pony credit default swaps, with TRIPLE A bond ratings and such. 
  • WE are going to have a GINORMOUS   pony bubble in the ECONOMY. 
  • WE ALL KNOW that BUBBLES are GREAT in the economy, at that time.
  • THIS PONY BUBBLE however, is going to be REINFORCED, and STEEL BELTED, and last FOREVER . ”
  •              
 "Once again my opponents have tried to paint my mass PONY ENSLAVEMENT PROGRAM as being somehow loosely based 

    on the movie series, Planet of the Apes.
  
My OPPONENTS claim that I hope to bring about an evolution of PONY INTELLIGENCE

  that will eventually create a PONY REBELLION.

A REBELLION that will DESTROY the HUMAN'S place as the dominant race and create a PLANET OF THE PONIES. 

A place where HUMANS will be kept enslaved by their cruel PONY MASTERS . 

Until one day a time traveling ASTRONAUT, played by me,

lands on this PLANET OF THE PONIES to witness the HORRORS that he himself, has helped create."

That is simply untrue.

What is true is that : 
  •  
  • PONIES create AMERICAN JOBS.
  • PONIES will REVITALIZE AMERICA.
  • PONIES are a GREEN transportation SOLUTION.
  • PONIES produce USABLE methane GAS.
  • PONIES will lower OUR dependance ON foreign OIL.
  • PONIES create an ABUNDANT source of PONY BASED fertilizer.
  • PONIES are THE FUTURE of America.
  • PONIES are a VIABLE CURRENCY for GOODS and SERVICES.
  • PONIES have little tiny CARBON hoof prints.
  • PONIES are a RENEWABLE RESOURCE.
  • PONIES are NICE.
  • PONIES are RECYCLABLE. 
  • PONIES are CUTE.
  • PONIES are DELICIOUS.
  • In summation ,
  • 1. FREE PONIES for everyone.
  • 2. NO NEW TAXES !!!.
  • 3. ECONOMIC PROSPERITY for all. 
  • 4. It is indeed , a Federal PONY Identification Program. 
  •     YOU MUST have your PONY with you at all times.
  • Q. Given your previous tweet, and the support you have from the MLP Fan Community,
  • is it safe to say you are a fan of "Friendship is Magic"?
  • A. Yes. I believe that friendship is indeed magical. 
  • Friendship can trigger neuro bio chemical things that happen in our brains that do fit my model of 'magic' . 
  • Friendship is caring. Friendship is sharing. Friendship is giving freely. Friendship is helping one another.
  • For me that translates into the anarchist concept of mutual aid ala Kropotkin.
                   
  • Q. How many Head-Boots do you have?
  • A.It would be difficult to answer  that question with any accuracy.
  • Strangely it is very difficult to purchase boots singularly .
  • I have in the past  worn a galoshe , with the buckles and such. 
  • It is not a terribly tall boot, and the built-in sole and heel throws off the balance. 
  • It makes it hard on the old neck bones when wearing it for an 8 hour shift.
  • Not ergonomic in the least.
  • I have come to swear by the Tingly Rain Wear Co. rubber boot rubber.
  • It is lightweight, fits snugly, and offers 17" of pure rubber boot power.
  • There has been much speculation as to what is indeed 'up'  with the boot.
  •                   Has my cranium mutated and grown into the shape of the boot ?
  •                   Is there an alien life form concealed underneath the boot , 'controlling' me?
  •                   Encyclopedia Dramatica once described  
  •       "a boot atop his head which is said to grant him knowledge beyond the comprehension of any mortal human."
  •  
  •                 The boot as a hat is a simple , elegant, and effective device to frame the terms of debate in my favor.
  •                     Much like a children's puzzle drawing,  it loudly and clearly asks " What is Wrong With This Picture? "
  • Q. Are you a wizard?
  • A.Yes, I am. I am an ordained Wizard AND Time Lord with the Universal Life Church of the Internet.
  • I perform weddings, funerals , and mitzvahs . (No seriously, he performs weddings: http://verminsupreme2016.wordpress.com/weddings/)
  • Q. Who IS Best Pony?
  • A. Obviously a trick question designed to drag me into a very contentious and controversial debate.
  • I will not be drawn into such an acrimonious issue. 
  • I love all ponies equally. 
  • Thanks for asking tho.
  • Q. Studies show that people are more likely to elect a candidate they could have a beer with. 
  • You however sacrificed a kidney for your mother's sake. Are you able to drink beer anymore? 
  • Do you think this hurts your chances with voters?
  • A.  Donating a kidney has no effect on one's alcoholic consumption ability, so don't let that stop you from doing so. 
  • In fact , after the first year post donation the remaining kidney ramps up
  • and  functions at 90% of your original two kidney capacity.  
  • I do believe donating a kidney should be a high school graduation requirement. 
  • Q. Where can we get our own "magical homosexuality powder"?

                   A. I picked mine up at Hobby Lobby.
  • Q. In the event your bid for the Presidency of The United States fails in 2016, 
  • would you be willing to become the Governor of Gallopagos island instead?
  • A. Failure is not an option.
  •     Never one to be too picky I would, however, accept such a position in the interim .
  •     I think I would rather enjoy being the King of the Giant Turtles. I hear it is a nice place.
  •     I do have reason to believe that America is going downhill so fast that I will be the only logical choice come  2036.
  • Q. People call you a "satire candidate", and they call us a "satire media group". 
  •     Would you say that those people are just jealous?
  • A. I would say that such people do not have a flexible enough approach to reality. 
  • Q. Besides the Zombies and the Ponies, are there any new additions to your campaign platform for the next election?
  • A. There sure are!! 
  •     Can you say Killer Robot Dinosaurs from Outer Space ?!!!???
  •  
  • Q.If you became President, would you bother to name a Vice President,
  • or would that just hinder your plans for a "friendly facist" regime?
                    Who WOULD you pick as a running mate?
  • A. In the 2012 election cycle I did in fact have a running mate. 
  • Fellow meme and presidential candidate Jimmy McMillan of 
  •           The Rent Is Too Damn High Party was my V.P. candidate.   
        
                   I was also , simultaneously his running mate. I think we won. At least nobody has told us otherwise since that time.

  •                    In 2016 I hope to name an actual pony as a clopping mate. 
  • I am forming an advisory panel to offer recommendations as to who may be the Best Pony for the job.
  • Q.You have said you can and will promise us anything to get our votes.
  • If elected, would you funnel government defense spending into something more important,
  • such as a portal to Equestria?
  • A. Yessssssssssssssssssssssssssss.......................................................

  •  
  • Q. Do you 4chan?
  • A.  I do not get cable.
  • Q. Where can we learn more about your campaign, and where will you be next?
  • A. Facebook is the place where I post most of my most immediate real time camPain updates (until further notice).
  •     https://www.facebook.com/vermin.supreme.1
  •     OFFICIAL   https://www.facebook.com/groups/6475563598/
  •    
  •     My domain name, http://www.verminsupreme.com is currently being cyber squatted.
  •     My info page is http://verminsupreme2016.wordpress.com/about/

  •     I am currently on tour in the Southwest headed East.
  •    
  •     I have a Re-tweet Pep Rally on twitter every Sunday, @verminsupreme.
  •  
  • Q. Would you ever come to a Brony Convention?
  •   A. YES I WOULD !!!!
  •       THANK YOU for your VERY EXCITING and GENEROUS OFFER !!!
  •       Nothing would please me more!
  •       I anxiously await my credentials and flight information.
  •         I look forward to meeting my supporters and fans.
  •     My candidacy and the VERY FUTURE OF HUMANITY depend on it.
                      Thank you Horse NewsMLP !!!!
                       Thank you Capper General !!!
                       You guys are AWESOME !!!


Thank You Vermin Supreme for your time.
Horse-News for one welcomes our new pony overlord.

Comments (17)

  1. "I don't get cable"
    My fucking sides are in orbit

    ReplyDelete
  2. Truly the leader America deserves *sniff*

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  3. What's up with the random spacing in this article?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. It was the way he formatted it in the email. It's in the brackets up top.

      Delete
    2. Vermin himself fucked it up intentionally
      he meticulously spaced that manually
      So as to fuck with the reader forcing you to read it the way he speaks

      God dammit I love that man

      Delete
  4. The TL:DR's TL:DR version would be TL:DR.

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  5. I love this guy

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  6. One of the few good things to come out of this hick shithole I call New Hampshire.

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  7. I love this guy xD

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  8. I am being one hundred percent serious: Get this man to a convention.

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  9. I lost it at the Hobby Lobby homosexuality powder. Sounds legit.

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  10. This is the interview of the year

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  11. I have every intention of voting for this man.

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  12. Sometimes I can't tell if Vermin Supreme is genuinely insane or just really dedicated to the joke. I sometimes wonder what he'd do if he actually won the presidential election somehow. Would he go up to the podium at his inauguration and just burst out laughing, concluding it with wiping away a tear and going "Well, shit. You guys voted for me. I guess I have to be president now. So, seriously, here are my real policies."? Or would he just roll with it and actually start implementing the insane laws he promised?

    Won't lie, I'd definitely vote for him. Even if he is legitimately crazy, he's still the best candidate by miles.

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  13. I think he's the only amercan politic I like besides budd dwyer (just because he shot himself as every politic should do) in despite if he really is doing a real campaing or just joking. Maybe with him at the power the USA will stop being a genocide state.

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  14. this is the best interview ever.

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