The first book is set for release on October 7, 2014. And while nothing is known of the books except for the titles, we here at Horse News have absolutely no problem aimlessly speculating on the nature of the books. And believe me, we've done it with much less than a title.
So without further ado, here are the official Daring Do books you can expect some time in the near/distant future:
1. Daring Do and the Marked Thief of Mar(e)apore?
|Picture the looks of disappointment when they actually read this thing...|
In a last-ditch effort to
|Don't think it won't happen...|
2. Daring Do and the Ruby Eye
Portions of this book have already been leaked onto the internet by Berrow's psychiatrist, who sent out the manuscript to several of his colleagues in a vain effort to see if any of them could make out the slightest sense of what the fuck she was babbling about.
A portion of Berrow's manuscript is as follows:
"What happened to the golden angel of many faces and even more Bruce Willis cocks you may ask now? Well, we would know, but the aforementioned creature was all like "fuc dis shyt" and smoked mad blunts with Gilbert Gottfried. They tried the new BALLS SHAKER (tm), the only tool for exercising your balls!
Regardless, the voice was silenced. It could have been helpful on the quest for the Ruby Eye, but THEY WERE TO COCKFARTING
SLUTFUCKING RETARDEDASSBUTTS to listen. Suddenly,
Christian Weston Chandler came out of the blue with his army of Sonichus. And proceeded to open up a can of shaniqua fu."
|Your collective faces right now|
Poor woman can't even write in proper format anymore...
Official HN Score: "8/10 Better than the first by far. At least there's hot pone sex."
3. Daring Do and the Eternal Flower
Now relocated to an insane asylum, G.M. Berrow has lost all sense of who she once was. Unable to even look at the two previous books for fear of suffering yet another mental relapse, Berrow takes up the task of writing the third installment of the Daring Do series as a means of therapeutic mental exercise.
As advised by her psychiatrist, Berrow writes down everything she sees in her mind. As a result, this entire story is just 300 pages of Daring Do staring at a flower that never changes or dies.
"The flower is the mirror into my soul," is all that Berrow will say on the metaphorical meaning of this story. "It is all I see in my wildest dreams and darkest nightmares."
Official HN Score: "6/10, Pretty deep and symbolic and stuff. If it's symbolic, it must be pretty good, right?"
4. Daring Do and the Forbidden City of Clouds
Either G.M. Berrow has forgotten what a "trilogy" is at this point or learned what it is from Douglas Adams.
Whatever the case may be, at this point Hasbro has given up all hope that Berrow will recover from her mental insanity and has instead hired renowned director George Lucas as a ghostwriter. The story takes place on the planet of Bespin, more specifically in Cloud City. How Daring Do got there is a mystery to everyone; Hasbro just tells readers "it's probably hidden amongst all the shit in Book 2."
Daring seeks sanctuary through her old and dear friend Lando Calrissian, who is more than happy to give her a place to stay. Lando, being the fine, classy gentleman that he is, even invites Daring to a fine meal. When Daring arrives, however, she sees at the head of the table none other than Ahuizotl, her mortal enemy. She is frozen in carbonite by her mortal enemy and sold to an overadoring fangirl with a cyan coat and rainbow mane.
At this point, Lando manages to retake control of Cloud City using nothing save for his suave nature and a bottle of Colt 45 (because he never runs out). While the story ends with Daring Do still in the hands of the obsessive fan, rumor has it that Lucas is currently working on a fifth installment in the trilogy (in true Douglas Adams fashion) in which Lando rescues Daring Do, saves the day, becomes a national hero in Equestria, and steals almost as many waifus as Flash Sentry.
Official HN Score: "11/10 Lando Calrissian can fuck my bitch"