Ride gets longer - Investor begins plans for Brony retirement home by


Earlier today, another set of tracks was added to the never-ending ride, as a French source confirmed that Equestria Girls will be getting its own series, called "Equestria Academy" in French, that we will be getting more information about this November. This following yesterday's Russian announcement that there will be more movies and more series, on top of the announcement earlier this year confirming at minimum, another 5 years of ponies (seasons 5-8 confirmed).

As it became apparent that fans will in-fact be on the ride until the day they die, a wise investor has already laid out plans and a downpayment on, what he is calling "Rainbow Falls Retirement Home" - a retirement village that will house horse-fuckers exclusively, so that we can all get off the ride together in our old age.

"Just think about it," the investor said, unrolling his blueprints for the proposed facility. "At minimum we will have spent a decade together on the ride by the time the FIRST benchmark is crossed, but by then we will be in full-Simpsons mode and unable to EVER end My Little Pony."



Acknowledging that the ride has just become a guaranteed lifetime commitment, he has bought up several acres of Florida swampland that he plans on slowly converting into a suitable habitat for bronies when they are finally retirement age able to collect social security proud rascal scooter owners.

"Every brony who is still alive will be welcome to join the retirement village, which will be stocked with merchandise and streams of episodes that will be looped 24/7 on the complex's CCTV system." The investor cited the location's ideal situation will involve 100% ramps and no stairs, bedroom wings divided by the associations that the residents held as youths (Deviantards will have their own wing, Redditers thier own, Seth will have his own specialized room that is built entirely of beds, /mlp/eople will have the basement, ect.)

Hasbro itself has already expressed interest in sponsoring the venture, noting that it would allow them to literally drain every dime bronies have left in their old-age, while still refusing to make Sparity canon.

"There's only one way off the ride, and we will get there together," the investor said. At press time, the proposed facility had already sold all of its available rooms to Ponychan users, forcing an entire redesign of the plans.

Comments (14)

  1. Sweet! They're going to have to pump a Rainbow IV into my arm. It's the only way, guys.

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  2. >Florida swamp land
    >Basements

    So we're basically playing in the mud 24/7

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    Replies
    1. It will enable us to understand the plights of the Earth ponies

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    2. I live in Florida and I assure you we don't have anything quite as nice as mud. It's more a mix of pig shit, sand, and Indian arrow heads.

      Delete
  3. You do realize that sometimes spin-offs garner huge fanbases and critical acclaim apart from that of their original show. Frasier, A Different World, and NCIS are all based on other properties...

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  4. Not gonna lie, that sounds like a pretty lofty end-game.

    And when we see our kids for the holidays and we ask them why they never come visit, they can answer honestly: "because you do nothing but masturbate to cartoon horses with anime eyes all day you fat Trilby-wearing faggot."

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    Replies
    1. This is a world I actually do want to live in.

      [lespoiler]where did it all go so wrong?[/lespoiler]

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    2. >implying any of us will ever reproduce

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  5. God no please no, not an entire series of EqG taking up time and resources from FiM. Jesus shitfucking christ. My hatred could not burn brighter for everyone who made this possible, Hasbro, DHX, and especially the fans who praised them and made this insult to entertainment successful.
    This is the absolute opposite of what Lauren wanted for girls.
    I can't do it. After this season, no more pony. I can't endure this.

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    Replies
    1. Butt hurt level rising. I may hate the first movie but I'm all go to expand this as it has potential for it.

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    2. Resources? You DO realize how rich Hasbro is, right? And they're only getting richer. As for Time, yes, it'll take time to do this, but it won't slow down FiM at all. And DHX doesn't have any say in whether or not it happens. They just get paid to animate it.

      Also, EQG is god tier.

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    3. The only thing I care about from EQG is Sunset Shimmer. She might be a shit character but her design looked good.

      Lesser sunbutt confirmed for EQG2. You cannot stack enough fedoras on my head; I am that euphoric from that fact alone.

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  6. I'm glad they didn't have comments when this was originally posted. I can only imagine the reaction to this would have been malicious.
    retirement villages Adelaide

    ReplyDelete