Everfree Network sex scandal by

12 hours in MS paint
There are times when we all succumb to our prime sexual urges. Whether they be in the form of your right hand or a plush toy, it happens. However, it's when people in the public eye do it that everyone seems to give a shit. In fact, many famous people had problems involving their sexual exploits. Bill Clinton, John F Kennedy, David Letterman, Tiger Woods, Caesar, the list spans wide with important people.

The Everfree Network staff members are not on that list. But that didn't stop them from trying.

What we plan to do for Nathan's bachelor party
Social justice warriors, please turn a blind eye for a second, you might get a little mad. Guys, we all know what goes on at bachelor parties, right? Booze, banjos, and bitches. Shit's cash. Why, Horse-News had one a while back and Capper bought some random brony a lap dance. Then we left the club and met these chicks name la-a and shanaqua, damn you guys should have seen it. We ended up getting a room with these chicks and they took Nathan's belt and choked him while he was having fun in the corner. Then next they took this strap-on Capper brought an-

Oh right, the article. Sorry.


Well have you ever wondered what women do? Well they have a bachelorette party. Now you're probably thinking "They probably do boring stuff right? L-like braid each other's hair and have pillow fights? n-naked, hehe. Right?" Oh you have never been so wrong, reader. They do crazy shit. We're talking male strippers, jello shots from light sockets, table dancing in high heels, naked tickle fights, tampon tosses, etc. You name it, some drunk white women have probably done it at one of these things.

not all of that is alcohol
It seems that EFN staff members are not above these traditions of bullshit, either. In fact, staff member Cayci Somethinurother attended one last night. And she also was on twitter. Ladies, remember that tweeting and partying should never mix. It can result on you being on a news article.

Well at least she was sorry
And yay, the hell hole doth opened. Soon, penises flooded the twitter waves. Not literal ones, mind you, I'm not allowed to show those after last time. Not risking getting us banned from several sites again. No phallic like symbols and candy started popping up showing EFN's sexy side. As it would be later confirmed, they were in fact "molds of Draft's dick lol ;p #kinky"

Censored for the childrun
Censored for legal reasons
Not only were cum custard penis pops available at this festival, but so were fun games like "Pin the dildo in the right hole" and everyone's favorite "Guy Points" (or something to that degree, the title of the game really isn't explained)

They racked up a total of 127
That's when some of the posts got a bit more provocative. Look we here at horse news are all about sucking polls and all that, it's some staff members' livelihoods. Twitter, however, is not a place to show off your talents with candy.

Um...
But do you want to know what the weirdest moment was? Ya, this wasn't the end of it. Oh they went even further. This is the kind of thing trashy internet sights dream of. I mean seriously, this is a bold step, I can't believe we're getting away with it. Well, look! Link and all.

Joking? Well shit, she deleted it
It's remarkable someone would even post this on twitter at all. Not to mention, even if it is a joke, it's still going to have consequences beyond an outrageous bill. Real or not, it will bite someone in the ass, and hopefully it's the whole site! You know this could really turn out ok. Gullible bronies will more than likely believe EFN's cover up, like the american public normally does about everything. People you have been shown the light, now spread it to the masses!
o

Horse-News would like to remind you that sometimes last paragraphs are important, and are often more informational than first expected.

Comments (20)

  1. Burn the witch

    Quickly, before she seduces Ren Haru and lures her to the dark side

    ReplyDelete
  2. What a slut, lol

    ReplyDelete
  3. Someone is getting fired, I can feel it

    ReplyDelete
  4. An ex-friend at EFN is currently fucking a dude there who's illegally older than her. She's like 16 and still in high school; he's like, 25. She once told me they like to have orgies.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. An ex-dude at BigApplePonycon is currently fucking a girl there who's illegally younger than him. He's like 30 and still living with his mom; she's like, 17. He told me once that they like to have totally lesbian orgies.

      Delete
    2. I swallowed a penny once. The doctor said it would pass, but it never did.

      Then I fucked my neighbour's cat.

      Delete
    3. An ex guy at Equestria Daily is currently fucking an Applejack plushie that can't be more than 4 years old. He's like 24 and stuck his finger way down in his belly button and now his finger stinks like a moldy vagina

      Delete
    4. Once I swallowed some chewing gum instead of spitting it out

      It got stuck in my anus and had to be surgically removed by a team of specially-trained experts from the navy

      Delete
    5. CITATION NEEDED! Chat logs? Twitter logs? Something.

      Delete
  5. One time I was a lawyer for 18 and a half minutes.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. How many gallons of blood did you manage to suck from your unsuspecting client before they noticed?

      Delete
  6. Fun fact: There's a secret message. Can you figure it out?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. SPOILER SINCE IT HASN'T BEEN POSTED YET: the key to decoding the final paragraph is to ignore all words that aren't the first word of the sentence. Hopefully that sentence was confusingly worded enough that people won't accidentally skim/read it unless they really are too stupid to figure it out or even click on the o under the final picture

      Delete
    2. Implying I care at all about Horse News' most annoying writer.

      Delete
    3. Now see how is that supposed to make me feel?

      Delete
    4. >implying you feel anything except shame

      Delete
  7. Ok.....and this bitch at EFN is making her sexual shit public......why?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Same reason why we confess our love of clop on the internet.

      Delete
    2. In these people at EFN's case, is that a good or a bad thing?

      Delete
  8. I want to challenge Osaka Jack to a fight.

    ReplyDelete