Yesterday we posted an opinion article focusing on Bronies and Juggalos and which of the 2 is the "worst fandom" (if such a thing could be quantified). Shortly after the article was posted, a few notable Juggalo websites caught wind of it. There was rage everywhere, but none so pronounced, as this scathing email we received from a Juggalo named Max. Reprinted below for your enjoyment and consideration is Max's entire, unedited, uncorrected, and unformatted message to Horse-News.
This is going to blow your mind, because you're about to read an intelligent, well thought out argument from an educated juggalo with minimal grammatical errors. First of all, your site is mediocre at best, you would think at least one of you fools would have graphic design in your skill set. Second of all, your "Book Fag" contributor is an elitist, ignorant, insensitive jerk off who is likely very sad and lonely. I get the feeling he watches Toonami alone most Saturdays. Finally, the fact that your ramshackle site would even post such an offensive and completely ignorant rambling proves that you not only aren't really Bronies, you don't even understand what being one actually means. Do you want to know how I know that? Because I know Bronies, and not a one of them has ever tried to tell me that being a juggalo was a bad thing. I even had a conversation with one such Bronie some time ago and he informed me that most Bronies actually have a very healthy respect for juggalos because they go through a lot of the same things we do. You know, ALIENATION, ELITIST MOCKING, BULLYING, CYBER-BULLYING, and of course IGNORANT BLOGS WRITTEN BY IGNORANT PEOPLE. Seriously, how about I send a copy of that cute little post to nationalautismassociation.org and see how funny and ironic they find it that you let someone essentially compare lack of a moral compass and debauchery to FUCKING AUTISM. You are not only a disgrace to Bronies everywhere, you are a disgrace to humanity for your complete and utter lack of compassion in this sense. You should have immediately looked at that post and said "well it's kind of funny but those autism cracks were uncalled for, disapprove."Something as completely baseless and ridiculous as that blog should never have been allowed to see the light of day. Aren't you supposed to be Bronies? Don't you preach love and friendship to ALL who seek it? So why are you letting someone lambaste another group while only vaguely harpooning their own? That smacks of an uneven keel. It's kind of cowardly as well, if you ask me. Although I'm sure you won't. I mean, as a juggalo, I poke fun at myself and my other juggalo friends all the time, because (shocker), we know what we look like. Do you really think any person with even lower-than-median level intelligence couldn't ascertain that they look pretty silly with face paint on and a t-shirt and jeans instead of a clown suit? Case in point, do you really think Joseph Ustler (affectionately known to the world as Shaggy 2 Dope) is really so fucking stupid he doesn't know how a magnet works or that he didn't google it before he wrote that lyric? There is no such thing as tongue-in-cheek anymore is there? Not like it would matter though, because judging by blogs like this, your sophomoric minds wouldn't be able to grasp intelligent comedy or rhetoric. Seriously, that blog has to be without a doubt the most terrible and poorly executed opinion piece I think I've ever read. The most advanced juggalos are middle school educated huh? I've been to college, I only stopped to take care of my family. My wife, who is a female juggalo (not a juggalette, there is a HUGE difference), graduated from Mt Ida (a private college) with a degree in Funerary Sciences. She currently is an organic chemist working for a very large bio-chemical testing facility, although her heart is in embalming. I know plenty of juggalos who have graduated college, but I also know plenty who never finished high school or even made it there, so it's not like I'm without objectivity here. You know who hates those stupid looking fucks and those gross ugly bitches? Juggalos like me. No kidding, juggalos like me hate those juggalos more than you guys do. I also want to mention I think it's great now that every time someone wants to lampoon the juggalos all they have to do is pull up a GOTJ photo album and cannon fodder awaits. The Gathering is a fucking cesspool of what it once was, and I'll say that to ANYONE, including ANYONE WHO WORKS AT PSYCHOPATHIC RECORDS. I can say that because I was at the first outdoor gathering, I was there back when it really was all about family, love, and music. The transition into absolute horror and amorality has only taken place in the last 4 years or so, and it is for that reason I will never attend a gathering again unless I am booked and paid as a performer (I make music, won't waste my time telling you about it). Not all juggalos blindly follow the herd, not all juggalos are ignorant amoral retards. Oh, by the way, why doesn't anyone point this finger at sports fans? Have you never gone to a game and seen some fat fucking guy drunk as shit screaming and chanting with his shirt off and paint on his face? Shit he does that at least 9 times a year depending on how many home games his team has, if I'm lucky juggalo shows come around twice or 3 times a year. Fights break out at sports arenas every game, damn near. I've heard stories of a Red Sox fan who ran over a Yankees fan simply for being a Yankees fan. But no one is saying that should stop are they? Why? Because football is a socially accepted event to paint your face get inebriated and chant and ICP shows aren't? The saddest thing is I don't even really like ICP anymore, I'm all about Twiztid and Dark Lotus but ICP really doesn't do it for me anymore, nor does it for many of my generation. Bottom line, I am a father of 3 who is an outstanding parent and my wife is a spectacular mother. I probably know more about writing than most English teachers and I didn't even get to finish college (there's no format here because this is an email, get off my back). I have no kind of violence in my record and my only criminal offenses involve smoking marijuana (ooooooooooo, call the DEA). I have no desire to rape anyone, kill anyone (that doesn't deserve it), hurt anyone, hurt anything. I read to my kids before bed and I pack their lunches in the morning (unless mom made them the night before). My wife is skinny and sexy as fuckin hell, and I may not be as slim as I was in high school but I'm no slouch. My wife was raised in metro Boston and I was raised in the suburbs of New Jersey. My parents both went to college and my grandfather survived the holocaust, I am about as far from white trash as you can get when I'm sober (I enjoy willful ignorance from time to time, it's kind of my Achilles heel) . Point being, that kids assertion could not possibly have been further off base. Frankly if I ever met the kid I'd have to stop myself from hitting him, but I would because I'm not some dumbfuck who can't control their anger. The sad part about this? Kid wasn't 100% off base. The reason the stereotype exists is because idiot juggalos exist. Let me ask you something. If you got robbed by a black guy would you say all black people are bad? Or would you say THAT ONE GUY was bad? Tell my how hating on juggalos is different. Because music is a choice? So I guess that if a kid chooses to join the chess club it's ok for the jocks to pick on him then right? Fuck this, I've already spent too much time on this. And because I am still a juggalo and I am still mad, fuck you, fuck your website, fuck that book fag retard, and fuck everyone of you that pretends to be tolerant when really you're as much of an elitist douche bag as the people that fuck with you for being bronies. And on a personal note, I don't hate bronies, but I do think you all look really fucking stupid and that there are infinitely better childrens cartoons to be obsessed over. Yeah, we may look crazy and we may act crazy when we all get together, but at least we don't run around hating on people just as disenfranchised as us. You suck.
MaxWe would like to take this moment to congratulate Max for the absolute devastation he reaped on our sides.
If we've done something to piss YOU off as much as Max here; feel free to let us know at email@example.com. We might not necessarily read or respond to them, but its nice to know people care.