The Dow Jones Industrial average climbed 86 points today, leveling off after a dip due to market uncertainty triggered by the Russian-Ukrainian situation currently happening in Crimea. Economists attribute the market growth to be due primarily to a spike in investment in Tara Strong's ass. At approximately 11:40am EST, Tara Strong established herself as a bank, and encouraged investors to immediately relocate their private holdings to her privates. Global economists everywhere herald this move as being exactly the stimulus we need.
Tara's ass has proven to be a stronger, firmer investment than many economists would have expected, with millions of fans chomping at the bit to throw money at it for the past several years. Sources confirm that the Bank of Tara's Ass will be revolutionary, in it's policy of allowing crypto-currencies as a legitimate form of payment. Many kinds of crypto-currency are being accepted, ranging from standards such as Bitcoin, to lesser-known such as Dogecoin. A representative for the future endeavor said in a press meeting "It doesn't matter what kind it is, if you want to put it in, just stick it in my coin-slot". We are told that "Tara's Coin Slot" will be the official name of the campaign, and will be brought to the business front, while supporting traditional deposits and withdrawals on the back-end. "Things will be able to go in and out all day long with no problems," said the representative. "We want as much fluidity for our investors as possible".
|Tara's Ass hard at work.|
"She has an ass won't quit, that's for sure" said one investor. Below is the latest TV-advertisement that is slated to begin playing within the hour.