Applejack's pies get filled with baby batter by

Take aim!
In the newest episode Somepony to Watch Over Me we get the typical CMC dullness mixed in with some nice action scenes in a Satanic version of a Louisiana swamp. The episode ranges from crap to decent at best depending on who you ask, but believe it or not, the focus wasn't on Apple bloom this episode. No, it was actually on Applejack wanting and then trying to conceive an illegitimate baby. More after the break.

It plays out like a normal episode until about 4 minutes in when AJ gets a little out of character when mentions that she forgot to tell Apple bloom that if she wants a spoon she needs to open the spoon drawer. Now either Apple bloom is an inbred idiot or AJ is making excuses to go to back the house. I like to think the previous, but the latter is more likely.
Hurr, Apul Bwoom
 When AJ rushes back she goes into full mom mode: putting a pillow on a rake, putting trike wheels on a wheelbarrow, constantly putting a helmet on her head, and even bubble wrapping the house. Tell me, and these things mothers would do to pre-teen kids to keep them safe, or to babies? The babying is further evidenced by the transformation of Apple Bloom's bed into a crib. She even slips in a baby sister line to Apple Bloom. This is a common phenomenon among hopeful and expecting mothers often referred to as nesting, in which a woman makes her environment safer and more suitable for a newborn. In the episode we can see a clear need from Applejack to have someone to baby around and constantly care for.

So when Apple Bloom runs away with the pies, Applejack realizes three things: Apple Bloom is in legitimate danger, Apple Bloom can't handle being babied any more, and that Applejack still wants to baby somebody. That's when the mission becomes more than just about rescuing Apple Bloom: It also becomes mission PreggerJack.
That map isn't the only thing she sucked that day.
Getting knocked up would sound perfect to the now baby-less Applejack. An actual baby would really need constant care and supervision, and Apple Bloom could grow up normally. The only problem is a knowing father could get in the way and try to help take care of the baby himself. Baby obsessed Applejack won't have any of that! No, in order for AJ to have the baby all to herself she would need to go out of town to a remote, dangerous place to find a baby daddy... someplace like the swamp village the pie delivery was supposed to take place.

Applejack isn't even trying to be inconspicuous anymore.
So gathering all of her Apple Bloom saving supplies and her sexiest pair of black, thigh high swamp boots, AJ heads out to get laid 'n paid. After saving her sister, the two head over to the swamp town to give everyone their share of pie filling... including Applejack. "But wait", your frito crumb filled neckbeards jiggle out to me, "those were practical flame proof boots!" Oh yeah, tell me then, if those boots were so useful why didn't Applejack ever give Applebloom a pair? Even after the swamp monster is defeated they still have to cross a dangerous fire swamp. Considering how concerned AJ has been over Apple Bloom's safety this entire episode you'd think she'd put a pair on her ASAP. 

But no, instead we instantly skip ahead to the swamp village where AJ is still wearing the boots. Tell me, how comfortable would thigh high boots be after multiple hours of travel in a humid, fiery swamp be? Shit, if I were AJ I'd take those things off as soon as I could. It's not like they were leaving the town right away either, they had pies to sell. The only reason she'd want to keep those on is to have better chances at seducing one of the colts into a one night stand. After AJ tells her sister she's ready for more responsibility she lets her take more pie orders as she sneaks off to get that redneck wang. Without Big Mac or Granny Smith in sight sneaking off would have been easy.
Applejack's mind is elsewhere moments before the great hickdickening.
 Truly these are all swamp hicks through and through. This was perfect for Applejack's plan. If a ponyville citizen outside of the Apple family came here for some estranged reason what are the odds that they'd over hear one of them bragging about how he came inside Applejack so hard that he was considering putting the leftovers in one of the pies he bought from her? Then what are the odds that they'd actually believe him? Not only would the source be unbelievable, but this swamp pony would be far, far away from the baby at Sweet Apple Acres. The baby would be Applejack's alone.

Heck, we've already destroyed Apple Jack's waifu honor, let's take it a step further: in order to increase her chances of getting pregnant, AJ slept with every male she could possibly find, maybe even all at once, so her sister wouldn't get worried and start looking for her. Yup, we're looking at a redneck pony gang bang here folks. I think my job here is done! You're welcome for the pure waifu head canon destruction. *tips fedora*

Comments (8)

  1. this episode was so fucking boring I stopped watching it twice, and questioned whether or not I even enjoyed the show anymore

    CMC a shit, Applejack a shit

    1. Y-You didn't even enjoy the fan service boots!?

  2. Holy hell. So many grammatical errors. Horse news might want to consider getting a couple editors.

    1. I love that this is the only problem people bring up.
      God dammit I love horse news.

    2. Are you volunteering?

      Not Horse-News

  3. I'd love me some... "Apple Cream Pie!!"


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