Latest Fandom Crisis: Announcement and Survival Guide by


Ladies and gentlemen, please remain calm.  Make sure you are seated in the full, upright position with your safety belt firmly fastened.  Take a moment to observe the "No Smoking" light.  Oxygen masks will drop from the ceiling momentarily.  Please ensure your own oxygen mask is in place before assisting others with theirs.

Upon impact, please exit in a calm and timely fashion using one of the designated exit doors.  If you are seated in an exit row, please assist fellow passengers in exiting.  Seat cushions may be used as a flotation device in the event of a water landing.


Now that we are all educated on proper emergency procedure, please take a moment to observe the following news:

Equestria Girls 2 confirmed for movie.

"Oh, really? I'm sure you have credible evidence."

http://www.equestriadaily.com/2014/02/international-toy-fair-2014-report.html?m=1



Okay.  There it is.  Equestria Girls 2 is officially happening.  Maybe it won't be so---

DISREGARD THE PART ABOUT EXITING IN A CALM AND TIMELY FASHION! EVERYBODY PANIC! IT'S HAPPENING!
IT'S TOO LATE
HEAD FOR THE EXIT ROWS! WAIFUS AND CHILDREN FIRST!
YOU THOUGHT IT WAS OVER
DO NOT LET YOUR WAIFU USE FLASH SENTRY'S DICK AS A FLOTATION DEVICE! KEEP A FIRM HOLD ON THOSE SEAT CUSHIONS!

But, since we're technically some form of "news" outlet, let's take a quick look at what we know about it so far.  From what we have gathered, the general plot involves human Twilight and friends forming a rock band in order to win a "battle of the bands" competition to save Equestria.  What we don't know is what the supposedly reformed Sunset Shimmer's role will be, who the new villain will be, or why the fuck Vinyl Scratch is on the cover of the book.

UPON EXITING, TRY NOT TO THINK ABOUT THE FACT THAT YOU ARE STRANDED WITH NOTHING BUT A SEAT CUSHION AND OXYGEN MASK.  HELP WILL NOT BE ARRIVING AT ANY POINT IN THE FORESEEABLE FUTURE.  WE ARE ALREADY FAR BEYOND THAT POINT.



Comments (7)

  1. If we're going to shit the bed I'd rather do it spectacularly. Here's hoping the mane 6 ride Flash's dick into a sunset of teen pregnancy.

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  2. I actually watched EQG. It was bad, but survivable. Barely.

    I shall not partake in this shit, however! For it is a travesty to behold!

    Which car on the ride that never ends contains the mini-bar? This will make things much better. Assuming there are drinks left, of course.

    ReplyDelete
  3. Quiet Desperation3 February 2014 at 23:40

    Well Hasbro saw all the humanized pony art. What did anyone expect?

    I keep hoping this stuff will finally autoexpel the Groanies from the fandom, leaving the rest of us in peace, but no such luck yet.

    ReplyDelete
  4. Anyone who says they won't watch it is fucking lying to themselves.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. There are more than enough people who haven't seen EG yet because it looks so trashy. Me, having seen EG, I don't think I want to see EG2, it's going to suck ass, all the morons will still eat it up and claim that it's good, that'll be all. There's no actual point in watching it because you can guess all the ways it will suck already and you can guess the reactions all the same.

      Delete
    2. It's called Bile Fascination.
      It's for the same reason you watch The Room, but you don't buy it.
      Except that The Room is actually enjoyable.

      Delete