In the event of the ride's derailing by

In these troubling times of Rainbow Kingdoms and it's inhabitants, Double helpings of cinematic bullshit, five new alicorns, celebrity involvement with the fandom and, worst of all, FinalDraft, it's good to know a contingency plan has been set in place here at Horse-News. And you may be able to join us.

In coordination with Masta Cappa, we here at Horse-News have developed a plan for our entire staff to escape from the ride and live in comfort. In these troubling times, however, we've come up with a deal. We have decided to leave several of our writers for dead and allow a few of you on the Horse-News Spaghetti Skipper. Granted, you will receive the smallest rations of alcohol and pasta, sleep in the bottom cots, hand over a huge amount of shekels, and take a ravage anal blasting from Mu[shroo]shi every night we're at sea receive mandatory buttock massages every night from Shroo.

Once you have signed away your life and your entire plushie collection, Me, Capper, Fim, and Jim will break down your door and install a Happy Loud and Proud Hasbro Brand siren in multiple areas around your home, as well as the My Little Pony Rainbow Super Dooper Hoopy Loopy Tubey Transporter in to your closet. 

To activate your MLPRSDHLTT, simply break away the glass panel containing two bottles of our select alcohol choices. Once you've done this, swiftly drink both, remove all your clothing, and give a hardy victory screech while rotating your hips accordingly. After you're finished being a retard, simply press the "Send" button inside the installed box and step inside the MLPRSDHLTT with any belongings you wish to take. Hold on tight, because there is a high chance of all of your belongings being destroyed, and quite possibly your anus rupturing. Once travelling on your high speed journey, hold on! That baby is sending you all the way to a remote location in Harlem.

Once arriving, you will have a meet and greet with the entire staff! Well, except for Scoots, Cribbs, Best Horse and any of those who were just to obese to fit in the MLPRSDHLTT. Enjoy this our one day of partying, because it will be no easy task from here. The next day we shall set off on a long voyage across the sea and then a river apparently. You will be part of the Horse Fucker crew, rigorously working on the deck of the ship, performing back breaking labor with little rest. Meanwhile, Me, Capper, Fim, and Rarifag shall oversee our venture, relaxing in the captains quarters and laughing at all you dumbasses tirelessly planning our routes and keeping track of our conditions.

With enough sweat, blood, cum, and tears, we may all survive to see our promised land. /mlp/'s salvation in a world of the damned. The glorious island nation of Gallopagos. Once we've settled in for our post-ride lives, we will slowly build and take over surrounding land until Gallopagos island is a sizable enough country for all of those who share the love of pone. Our divine and wise leader, Vermin Supreme, shall see over us all and relish in the fruits of our hard work. 

God bless you, sir. You glorious bastard.
I will not lie to you my friends, some of you may be killed, and at least one of you will ultimately become a sex slave. But in the long run my faithful friends, it shall be worth it. We will escape the danger zone, the evil that Larson and McCarthy have unloaded straight in our face. One day, we will have to get off the ride.

Maybe you can come with Horse-News, you sick bastard. Just email Masta Cappa, and you will be entered in to a raffle. Good luck, and may the sauce be ever in your flavor.

Brought to you by Pasta Pope Capper of the Pastafarian church of Horse Fucking, the select religious cult of Horse-News for over a month.

Comments (5)

  1. Are you ok with me spamming the "send" button on the MLPRSDHLTT before the fated day? I could save some serious bank on trash collection.

  2. >domain name not found

  3. >Implying anybody can get off the ride

  4. I would be a sex slave to anyone in horse news.