Later tonight: Is "Weird Al" also a giraffe? I don't know, do we look like the National Enquirer?
By now, it is common knowledge that musical artist “Weird Al” Yankovic will be guest-starring in an upcoming episode of My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic. In fact, The Hub has gone as far as to release the following clip of Yankovic’s appearance in said episode: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Z2K2cY6K67s
So yes, we know he will be appearing. But the main question remains: What will his character be doing in this episode? From the few clues we have gathered from the video, it appears that Yankovic’s character will be a party planner of sorts. It also appears that the party that will be planned is a celebration of Rainbow Dash’s birthday and anniversary of her arrival in Ponyville.
However, we here at Horse News believe that Rainbow Dash’s arrival won’t be the only “coming” in Ponyville that day.
Yankovic will be presumably voicing a new character, one that has never been seen in the show before. This brings us to the ultimate question: Why would this new pony, who knows nobody in Ponyville and has presumably no previous relationship with any of the Mane 6, want to throw a party for Rainbow Dash?
We at Horse News have taken a number of different directions in our independent research, but in the end we have all arrived at one identical conclusion: “Weird Al” Yankovic wants to cum inside Rainbow Dash.
>implying you wouldn't
Photo evidence from the released clips shows an apparent closeness between Yankovic and Dash, including the occasional very close contact. Yankovic even appears to be serenading the cyan Pegasus with a cheery tune.
We believe that over the course of this episode, a series of events will be set in motion by Yankovic that inexplicably prevents any of Dash’s friends from showing up to her party. At this point, Dash will be very lonely and vulnerable. Being the conniving gentleman that he is, Yankovic will offer comfort to the hurting Dash, who will be much more receptive than usual to his advances in her emotionally injured state.
At this point, we believe Yankovic will break out a bottle of very fine wine (we here at Horse News recommend a vintage bottle of 2003 Marcassin Estate Pinot Noir). After a few drinks and steadily increasing amounts of sexual tension, Dash will invite Yankovic into her bedroom. Once inside the bedroom, Yankovic will proceed to make sweet, tender love to Dash.
And by “sweet, tender love,” we presume there will be about 30 seconds of moaning noises followed by Yankovic’s reemergence. The episode will then cut out after Yankovic delivers his final line: “HAHA FUCK YOU DASHFAGS YOU [Mentally and Socially Insufficient] LITTLE SHITS I FUCKED YOUR WAIFU!”
We called Meghan McCarthy to confirm that this episode synopsis was accurate, but after reading it to her she replied only with a few seconds of confused stammering followed by abruptly hanging up the phone. We are assuming her reaction is indicative of her being surprised we were able to summarize the episode with such concise accuracy.
“Weird Al” Yankovic could not be reached for interview at this time, but he did once give a family member of mine some great advice: “Stop rolling around naked in the poison ivy!” We are sure that this is some form of foreshadowing to events that will unfold in the episode.