What up, kiddiwinkles. I'm going to be brief, because if I'm not then I'll go off on a ramble again.
Every Saturday here on Horse News, I'll be writing a brief synopsis - That's a summary to you inbred fucks - of the new episode, saying what happened in a nutshell and how I feel about it. Oh, what's that? You don't care how I feel about it? Too fucking bad you little gobshite, life ain't handed to you on a basket, so don't put all your eggs on one silver platter. If you want to read the episode in a nutshell but can't be arsed to take 20 minutes out of your miserable life to watch the dang thing, you sure as shit have time to listen to my opinion if you want to know what happened in it.
I remember when I used to give my opinion on other cartoons to people that didn't give a fuck. Do you remember Catdog? I remember Catdog.
That show was fucking spectacular. It was pretty much Pinky And The Brain if Pinky and the Brain were joined at the dick. Every time I had to watch that show with my nephew, I'd come up with yet another disturbing thought. The most obvious is which head did the shitting. Can you imagine having to vomit shit for your entire life? Not the metaphorical shit you regurgitate, I mean literal shit? Life would be a living hell. But thinking of a new problem, I said to my nephew one day; "Do you know, I've always wondered what the other head would feel if one head was throatfucked."
I don't get to talk to my nephew much nowadays.
So sit tight in your chair you scamps, and start looking forward to Saturdays again. Because even if the episode was shit (which it probably will be) you get to look forward to a brief review straight from me, and everybody loves to listen to what I have to say. EVERYBODY. Except the people who don't.
Now I must go, there's a cloud out my window that's obviously a Communist listening device in disguise.
- Grumpy Old Fart