|An ATFS agent finds a large |
cache of illegal spaghetti
The incident resulted in several injuries, ranging from torn-sides to hurt feelings, and one carb-wielding character-casualty at the hands of law enforcement.
The new law makes heavier restrictions on certain "Assault Carbs", and heavy-calorie pasta products. Under the new law, the number of noodles a person is allowed to have is reduced, from 10 ounces, to 8 ounces.
For containers that carry 10 ounces or more, a person is only allowed to have 8 ounces inside the carton. The new law, though stricter, is more lenient than the previously-proposed pasta-ban, in which spaghetti would be stripped from it's owners entirely.
That law was struck down as a result of extensive lobbying by the NRA (National Ragu Association), midst cries of "Give me linguini or give me death," and that the government could take their spaghetti when they pried it from their "cold, dead pockets".
A similar law was proposed in the state of Texas, but was struck down due to the fact that less food was "un-'murrican". A local Dallas Chef led a spaghetti-stockpiling movement when the law was introduced for deliberation, ultimately purchasing over 4 tons of angel-haired ammunition. When the law was rejected, the stockpile of over 9000 meals was donated to a food-bank.
Since the passage of the pasta-control law in Maryland, local officials say they've seen a spike in applications for CCCW permits (Concealed Carried Carb Weapon Permits) from the citizens, who feel threatened by the new legislation. Chef Boyardee could not be reached for comment.