Flight Lives Matter movement kill 64 in riot, blame Celestia by

A very poor artist's rendition of yesterday's protests
CANTERLOT - The scene from yesterday's Flight Lives Matter protest was one of complete anarchy, all from a movement aimed at trying to stop violence. By the end of the day a total of sixty-four bodies lined the streets after rioters burned, shot, and somehow morbidly crushed random ponies. The FLM representative who is only known as 'DR' released a statement today, placing blame solely on Princess Celestia and not the five people in FLM shooting at innocent bystanders.

"We dindu nuffin" stated DR, behind her all black hoodie and blood stained bandanna.

Meet Molly - the MLP MDMA Mare by


That's what we're calling her from here on out. Forget this whole "Pacific Glow" garbage.

It's quite amazing that Hasbro is so afraid of using the name "Derpy" officially, because they incorrectly assume it has something to do with being mentally disabled, yet they let this one slip through. Up there, around Molly's (the Pinkie Pie clone with the glow stick cutie mark) neck is a pacifier.
Why does that matter?
Because it means she's tripping on ecstasy in this scene.

Awesome.

Lights! Lights! Lights! Wake up! Ponies on the Screen, 5 4 3 2, and 1! by


6.09 - "Saddle Row & Rec"
21. May 2016
08:30 PST / 11:30 EST

Local Brony still a virgin by


ATLANTA - Local blogger Chet Olivers woke up still a virgin this morning, after spending yet another night in his studio apartment alone. After he left high school, Olivers thought that women would be far more willing to have sex with him considering his intellect, financial independence, and fairly decent sense of humor. As usual, he was wrong. So far his two years of independence and carefully maintained sobriety have resulted in zero women hopping on his disco stick.

"I guess Lyra really is the only girl for me," said Olivers, snuggling his well-worn plushie in frustration.

M.A. Larson throws cool pizza party no one attends by

M.A. Larson, shortly after his "party" ended
ROCHESTER, MN - "I thought people liked me," sighed a dejected M.A. Larson. "I guess mom was right: not even fat losers want free pizza and whisky if I'm gonna be there"

After weeks of planning, scheduling, and anticipation, Larson threw a special pizza party for him and his brony fans today, an event that not even the most desperate attention whore attended. Along with Larson's virginity and self-esteem, two dozens pizzas and six handles of various alcoholic beverages were completely untouched after it became apparent even the desperate denizens of the internet skipped out.

Pinkie Pie stars in self-titled children's erotica by


PONYVILLE - Baker and Ponyville Polytech drop-out Pinkie "Cream" Pie is renowned for her work as an element of harmony, her party planning prowess, and her multiple psychotic breakdowns. However her latest venture has sparked a major controversy with both Equestrian parents groups and censor boards, seeking to create her own unique form of literature. A mash of up of two of the biggest selling genres of all time - children's books and erotica - meant to challenge our perceptions of young colt and filly sexuality. 

Filled with graphic descriptions and even crude hoof-paintings, the first edition has already sold 130,000 copies in its first week.

Man with pony tattoo regrets his decision by


SAN FRANCISCO - "I don't know what the hell I was thinking," said local pony fan, Kurt 'Bolt' Grohl. Two years ago, Grohl committed himself heavily to the fandom, going as far as to even get a tattoo in honor of his new favorite show.

Defeated, through a face buried in his hands, he continued "no one will even take me serious anymore," with tears streaming through his two-inch nose gauges.

Fans of horse website shocked by actual content by

The site in question, where fans are used to a lack of anything interesting

DETROIT - The scene yesterday shocked fans and on-lookers alike, as infamous pornography and cult site Horse News actually published an article. The site, primarily known for useless members of society making fun of somehow more useless members of society, managed to actually be productive. This comes in stark contrast to the typical rate of twice a month.

"I was completely taken back. I mean Horse News actually did something? That never fucking happens," said an overweight male, probably.

The Hub Possibly Coming Back? by


Or at the very least, coming to Latin America.

Local mother wonders why son hasn't moved on from ponies by

Chaplain  tries to explain why her son just can't let go of the show and it's dying fan base
Reporters from the Horse News Atlanta division report that, like many other concerned mothers, 51 year old Mary Chaplain just doesn't understand why her son's taste in cartoons is still so awful. 

"I just don't get it," said Chaplain, staring at her son in the other room in disappointment. "There's so many better cartoons now! They even remade the Powderpuff Girls. Can't he at least fantasize about little girls of the same species?"